P4+KWhite

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2]) -Yes, it does reflect the thesis statement in the beging of the essay. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) -The thesis statement reflects everything in the essay. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) -The thesis makes a positive statement rather than a negative one. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? -No, the thesis isn't worth arguing, it's not even an argument. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) -No it's not in active voice. Subject: Verb: they focus people's rights they play, roles Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) -No it doesn't state the "why" and the "how" it is just a statement that needs more of an argument. Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? -My thesis statement is limited and needs an argument.
 * //In the Iriquios Constitution they focus on the people's rights and what roles they play in their society.//**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) //**In the Iriquois Constitution they focus on the people's rights and what roles they play in their society. In contrast to the U.S. Constitution focuses on the rights of the government over the people, as well as balance in the government.**// Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) -It states an opinion that is interesting but needs quotes to back it up. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. -No there isn't really a contract at all with the reader. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) -Well since there was no contract to begin with it can't satisfy it.

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.) Best- Iriquios constitution gives direction on how people's positions should be run. "If he sees and evil approaching or any danger threatening he will at once warn the people of it." This is an example of how the Iriquois' constitution focuses on the people and their lives rather then the government system.

Worst- U.S. Constitution focuses on the way the government is going to be run. "checks and balances" just one example of how the constitution focuses mainly on the procedures of how the government os to be run. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? -They move in logical order and the reader does get more information as the paragraphs move on. Organization could be better although it is okay as it is. Worst transition was between the second paragraph and the third. The best trasition was between the Introductry paragraph and the second paragraph. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? -Worst transition was between the second paragraph and the third. The best trasition was between the Introductry paragraph and the second paragraph. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? -No my essay would not be perssuasive. I could add a story to my second and third paragraphs in order to get my point across and make it interesting. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) -The question how do you know is satified because the quotes in the paragraphs back up my claims. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) -Yes it is cited correctly. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? -The senteces lead to a point for the most part. My most coherent paragraph is my second paragraph and my least coherent is my third paragraph.

Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? -The paragraphs need to be developed and the argument needs to be developed more as well. Spelling and grammer are good but could use a tune up.

Overall: How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? -The essay is boring and could use a lot of definate changes. This essay would be interesting to readers who are interesting in knowing what a citizen's job is in their society or a person who wants to know what a government's job is to the citizens. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be apersuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? -This essay isn't very effective and needs more of an argument. This essay would not be able to pursuade the class as well as it should.