P3+ACorrea

Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * __Thesis Statement:__//To a great extent Machiavelli’s argument seems to be more logical and just to the people and the state than Thomas Hobbes.//**
 * 1) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2]) In the essay it says “Even though his argument has a few concepts I disagree with his argument is more reasonable in comparison to Thomas Hobbes’s.” The thesis statement at the end of the essay really does express the main point of the essay because it goes back to the overall question in regards to Machiavelli’s and Hobbes arguments.
 * 2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) The thesis statement reflects that the essay will be based on the supporting Machiavelli’s argument over Hobbes. The essay develops the argument that Machiavelli’s argument is more logical and just than Hobbes.
 * 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) The thesis statement makes a positive statement because it tells the reader why I supported the argument instead of why the argument was not supported. It says that the argument has more logic and is just and if it were negative you wouldn’t be able to answer the question “why?” and you can answer this question by saying that it helped the state and the people.
 * 4) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? The thesis does posit an argument that is worth arguing because it states that “it is logical and just to the people and the state”, so someone can argue that it is not logical or that it is not just. The argument that it presents is that Machiavelli’s argument it to a great extent more logical and just.
 * 5) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Every clause in the thesis statement is not in the active voice because I used the verb to be so it is not in active voice.
 * 6) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4])My thesis statement does answer the question why but it does not answer the question of how. The rest of the question that is answered is explained in the rest of the paragraphs.
 * 7) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?My thesis statement is clear because it tell the reader why the point I’m supporting is true and it states it so it is not confusing. The thesis statement is limited and precise and it goes straight to the point. The thesis statement is defensible because it has a point that you have to defend.

B. Introduction and conclusion. In society, people have different ideas on how a ruler or a body of government should treat his people. Some people believe that it is better to rule with “an iron fist”, while other prefer to be gentle and kind. Two writers described how they thought that a ruler should rule, and they were Nicolo Machiavelli and Thomas Hobbes. Machiavelli believes that rules should be feared but also not though of as inhuman or cruel. On the other hand, Hobbes believes that people should be ruled with an “iron fist” and should obey everything a ruler says they should do**//. To a great extent Machiavelli’s argument seems to be more logical and just to the people and the state than Thomas Hobbes.//** Having these arguments presented to us just seems to make Machiavelli’s argument the most understandable. Machiavelli wants the good of his people but may also have some sort flaw in his argument. Even though his argument has a few concepts I disagree with his argument is more reasonable in comparison to Thomas Hobbes’s.
 * __Introduction:__**
 * __Conclusion:__**

> > C. Body > > > **__Topic sentence #1__** > The first arguments that shows Machiavelli’s Argument is more reasonable, is that a “prince” should always know who is on their side. > __**Topic sentence #2**__ > The second argument which proves Machiavelli’s argument is more stronger than Hobbes, is what a prince should do to please or protect his people. > __**Topic sentence#3**__ > On the other hand I also disagree with Machiavelli’s argument that one should know when to do bad things. > > > **__Best Paragraph__** > The first arguments that shows Machiavelli’s Argument is more reasonable, is that a “prince” should always know who is on their side. Machiavelli states “ a wise prince, therefore, has always avoid these arms and turned to his own;…not deeming that a real victory which is gained with the arms of others.” In this Machiavelli states that a person, being a soldier or anything else, always devoted his loyalty to his/her country. Thus meaning that you can never be sure if they will abandon you in the middle of a crucial battle. This proves to be the same with a “prince”. If you know the “prince” you will at least know how he acts and you will want to stay loyal to him through your own personal desire. Unlike Hobbes who thinks the subject will stay loyal to the prince or be forced to do so. > > __**Worst Paragraph**__ > On the other hand I also disagree with Machiavelli’s argument that one should know when to do bad things. Machiavelli states that a “prince” can do bad things just as long as he knows how to cover up his tracks the right way. This seems bad because then any ruler can oppress his people just as long he can cover it up with the perfect excuse for what he is doing. Hitler’s Genesis moment would then be considered good if he had known how to cover to movement up. To this I am in disagreement with Machiavelli.
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) My first paragraph is somewhat interesting and does provide some detail. It tell you the two view points both authors have so that provides a bit of detail.
 * 2) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. I don’t believe that it makes a true contract with the reader because it really doesn’t truly catch the reader but it does sometimes.
 * 3) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) My conclusion does in a way satisfy the readers because it summarizes in a way everything that was trying to be proved in the body paragraphs.

Overall:
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The paragraphs do flow in a logical order. The reader might have the sense of getting to the bottom of the question in the end of the essay. It does although have a few points where it jumps around and kind of has no orientation to it. The places that it is the most week in is in the introduction sentence and the concluding sentence.
 * 2) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The overall structure of the essay is ok but it can also need a little bit more organization. The weakest part would be the introduction sentence and the concluding sentence. The strongest would be some of the details that are being used.
 * 3) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? I don’t think that my essay is very persuasive is someone is doubting the statement that is being presented. I do think that the essay will be more interesting if a story or more detail that is explained thoroughly is added.
 * 4) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) I don’t think that the essays answer the “how do you know” question presented to the reader. It kind of just states the information in a random way.
 * 5) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) The information is presented but it is not described to detail and my leave the reader a little confused. The work is cited and is given credit where it is needed.
 * 6) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? I do not believe that the sentences lead back to the central point. The most coherent paragraph would be the second one and the least one would be the forth one.
 * 7) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?The paragraphs are not fully developed. They need to have to evident explained to a more fulfilled point. The least develop paragraph would be the forth one and the most developed paragraph would be the second one.
 * 8) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?The essay is clearly written but does have a few grammar error but not that many that will disorient the reader.
 * 1) How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? The essay is not very interesting but it does have a few high points. The readers that would be most interested in this essay would be the ones that like to read facts, the readers that would be the least interested would be the ones that need detail to be captured in the story.
 * 2) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?I believe that this essay is somewhat effective to persuade a person into believing that Machiavelli’s argument is stronger than that of Hobbes.