P3+KJohnson

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //With the creation of societies, you need rules to control the mass population. No matter the year, a group needs guidance. In the Iroquois Constitution and U.S. Constitution, both texts have major differences yet are strongly similar at the same time.//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? //The thesis statement expresses the main point of the essay by letting the reader know what the topic of discussion is.//

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? //Yes, the thesis statement reflects almost everything in the essay. It mentions the U.S.Constitution, the Iroquois Constitution and the need for rule or a dominate leader of a group. If a group of people are confused about a problem, the only way to solve it is if someone, a leader, makes a suggestion. Both Constitutions were created by leaders to prevent a confused world.//

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? //This thesis makes a positive statement by explaining the reason behind the creation of two of the worlds' most important documents.//

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? //The argument of the need to create these documents is worth arguing because it represents reasoning and planning on a stable future for mankind.//

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) //Yes. "...need-control", "...texts have-yet similar".//

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? //Yes the thesis answers the question of 'why' to a doubtful reader. It explains the necessity of rules.//

Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. Is your thesis statement clear, precise and limited, controversial or informative, and defensible? //The statement is clear, precise, controversial and defensible by having evidence to support details.//

B. Introduction and conclusion. (Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)


 * //Introduction: Without rules there is chaos. The U.S. Constitution's Preamble is written to 'establish Justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves..."(Quote 1) It sets ground rules for America and leaves opportunities open for improvement. Like the Iroquois Constitution, the texts clearly state (in a sense) that they were formed to protect the rights of the people and defend its rules. Conclusion: Two different lifestyles were thus established: natural Indians and Free Americans. Despite their differences however, they are founded on similar ground. To protect the people, guard freedoms and keeping rights are the common goals. Differences in belief and time are the only main changes. "In order to form a more perfect Union," "their nature is Peace and Strength." United we stand, divided we fall. Without the help of the U.S. Constitution for Americans, and the Iroquois Constitution for Indians, there would be only chaos.//**

Is your first paragraph interesting? //I think the first paragraph is interesting.//

Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? //Yes. With the text from the U.S. Constitution, I believe that gives the essay strength in information.//

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? //Yes, my contract is shown in the introduction paragraph by saying why we established our Preamble, which was to provide general protection.//

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? //My conclusion does not really satisfy my contract to the reader. It merely states that there would be chaos without guidance from someone, which looking back on it makes no real sense.//

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

//**Topic sentences:** Nothing first created is made to stay the same(1). The Iroquois Indian tribe convenes regularly, but much more often than the U.S. representatives did(2). Both texts successfully qualify for protecting individual liberty and freedom as well as national safety(3).


 * Best paragraph:** (2nd paragraph) **Nothing first created is made to stay the same. It must change and prosper to survive. 'Roots have spread out from the Tree of the Great Peace, one to the North, one to the East, one to the South and one to the West.' (Quote 2, Section 2 of Iroquois C.) Expansion is key, especially for new governments. Both of the U.S. and Iroquois Constitution(s) state their duties and responsibilities to the people. Their leaders are in charge and take responsibility for whatever actions take place. 'We place at the top of the Tree of the Long Leaves an Eagle who is able to see afar.' (Quote 3, Section 3 of I.C.) After the leaders however, the similarities between the texts stop.**


 * Worst paragraph: The Iroquois Indian tribe convenes regularly, but much more often than the U.S. political Representatives did. 'When the Council of the Five Nation Lords shall appoint a speaker for the day.' Quote 4. The U.S. Constitution has a House of Representatives that have Members chosen every second year by the People of the several states. Although it (the election of new members) is every two years instead of one day, the Constitution of the U.S. is up to date.**//

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? //Yes, at the beginning of each paragraph it starts on the topic, then gives supporting details and an opinion.//

Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? //The point of every discussion is to show the similarities and differences between the two texts.//

Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? //In my worst paragraph, it looks like I was going to try and make a point, but then I forgot what it was.//

Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? //Overall, the organization of my essay seems strong, but it could deffinately use work.//

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? //Yes, there's much more historical evidence from the Constitutions.//

What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? //The quotes from the Iroquois Constitution. "**'Roots have spread out from the Tree of the Great Peace, one to the North, one to the East, one to the South and one to the West.' "**//

In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? **//'When the Council of the Five Nation Lords shall appoint a speaker for the day.' And also...//**
 * //'Roots have spread out from the Tree of the Great Peace, one to the North, one to the East, one to the South and one to the West.'//**

Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? //I could make the essay interesting by giving more of a background into the U.S. Constitution and the effect it had on the United States.//

Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? //Yes. In my worst paragraph, I should have made my point clearer, or used a better example.//

11 In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? //No. If a reader wants to doubt then they will. But all of my examples are based upon true facts.//

Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. //The overall quality of my evidence is well-based and I think the strongest evidence is the United States' Preamble.//

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? //Yes and no. I gave credit for the quotes in the essay, but not in the MLA format.//

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? //Yes. The main point is stated then explained throughout the paragraph.//

What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Is every paragraph fully developed? //My most coherent paragraph is the first one that starts off with 'Without rules there is chaos.' All of my paragraphs are complete except for the third one; the least coherent in the paper.//

Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? //The paper is free of errors in spelling and is understandable.//

What are your most frequent errors? //The most frequent error is that I have no transitions.//

Overall: How interesting is this essay? //Fairly interesting if you enjoy reading about constitutions.//

To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? //I think history freaks would enjoy reading this.//

To what kinds of readers less interesting? //Readers who don't want to know about the past or have A.D.D. and can't concentrate on it.//

What parts are most and what least interesting? //The most interesting part is the introduction and first paragraph, the least interesting is the conclusion.// Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? //No, I think that my paper is interesting.// How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? //This essay is not the most effective but it has enough evidence to persuade readers.//