P3+APayzant

Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //Machiavelli and Hobbes are two men with similar views of mankind but with radically different suggestions for management.//**

1. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) 2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) 3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) 4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? 5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) **The subjects of the thesis statement are //Machiavelli and Hobbes//. The verb for the two subjects is //are// and it is followed with how the two men feel about mankind.** 6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) 7. Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?
 * The thesis statement I have written at the end of my essay really expresses the main point that I make in the essay. Throughout my essay I discuss the similar views that the two men have and my thesis statement expresses that main point.**
 * The thesis statement reflects everything in my essay including the main point that I try to make. My essay helps to develop everything in my thesis statement.The essay includes evidence that helps to develop the thesis statement.**
 * The thesis statement makes a positve statement. It simply states that the two men have similar views of mankind and that each of these men have different suggestions on how to manage mankind.**
 * The** **thesis does post an arguement, however it is not a clear one. The arguement is that the two men have similar views on mankind, but believe that mankind should be managed in different ways. The arguement is worth arguing.**
 * The thesis statement does not answer the questions "why" and "how". Instead the thesis statement sets up the essay to answer the questions of "why" and "how" that are presented in the thesis statement.**
 * The thesis statement is very clear and defensible. It is not at all precise, controversial, or informative.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.


 * //Machiavelli and Hobbes are two men with similar views of mankind but with radically different suggestions for its management. In Machiavelli's "The Prince", Machiavelli mostly speaks about what a ruler must do to better his own society. In Thomas Hobbes' "Levaithan", Hobbes speaks mostly about the common man and the human nature of the common man. Both men have a good view on human nature, however I support Hobbes' view to a greater extent than that of Machiavelli.//**

1. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) **My first paragraph is not interesting and does not catch the reader's attention. It does not provide concrete or specific material about the topic. My first paragraph focuses on my topic.** 2. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. 3. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)
 * I do not make a clear contract with the reader. I believe that my contract is that I support Hobbes' view to a greater extent.**
 * My conclusion does not satisfy the contract with the reader. My essay does not contain a conclusion.**

C. Body


 * //In "The Prince" Machiavelli includes many suggestions for how a ruler should deal with human nature in his society or principality.//**


 * //Hobbes has different views on human anture, but has radically different views than Machiavelli when it comes to dealing with human nature.//**


 * //In "The Prince" Machiavelli includes many suggestions for how a ruler should deal with human nature in his society or principality. Machiavelli believes that a prince must be loved by his people and by being loved then he will have greater success in his principality. "For the hereditary prince has less cause and less necessity to offend; hence it happens that he will be more loved." [The Prince:Chapter II] The prince must also be kind to his people in order to be loved. "her a leading citizen becomes the prince of his country, not by wickedness or any intolerable violence, but by the favour of his fellow citizens." [The Prince:Chapter IX] machiavelli also states that humans are changeable by nature and that they can be presuaded to view things in a certain way. In today's society President Bush attempted to change the people's views and make the country believe that Iraq had possesion of weapons of mass destruction. When these weapons were never found Bush proved a major point of Machiavelli's. Machiavelli believes that by nature humans are not to be trusted. Bush is not the most approved of president in history and his actions are mostly to blame. He is not favored by many of his citizens and is currently using intolerable acts of violence. I do not agree with Machiavelli when he states that a leader may do anything necessary to maintain control even if it means committing a criminal act. Criminal acts should never be a solution to solving a problem. Machiavelli shows many ways how a leader should rule his people and what he should do to keep order within the pricipality.//**


 * //Hobbes has different views on human nature, but has radically different views than Machiavelli when it comes to dealing with human nature. One of the main points that Hobbes makes is that all men are created equal, "though there be found one man sometimes manifestly stronger in body or quicker in mind than another." [Leviathan:Chapter XIII] This is true in today's society and can be seen in examples such as professional athletes and scientists. Both groups are equal, however they have strengths in different areas. Hobbes also believes that it is human nature to seek power and that people naturally want more power. He also believes that, "two men desire the same thing, which nevertheless they cannot both enjoy, they become enemies." [Leviathan:Chapter XIII] This point has been true throughout history. Many wars throughout history have been started because two men or two groups wanteed the same thing. One very important example of this in our nation's history is the American Revolution. Both the colonies and Great Britain wanted the land for themselves. the two groups who once worked together for trade and other things quickly became enemies. Machiavelli also believes that the greatest power can only come in unity of people. I agree with this point. After the tragedy...//**

1. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? 2. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? 3. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? 4. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) 5. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) 6. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? 7. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? 8. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
 * My paragraphs move in a logical direction. The reader does have the experience of getting someplace. My body paragraphs do start to get to a point but then suddenly stop. My second body paragraph is not completely finshed and suddenly ends as it is about to get to a point. My paragraphs do not jump around for no apparent reason and stay within the topic of the essay.**
 * The transition between my two body paragraphs is strong, but the sidden ending of the second body paragraph greatly hurts my essay as a whole.**
 * My essay would not be very persuasive to somebody who doubts my thesis statement. It does not include very specific and vivid examples to help persuade the reader. I do write about two specific people in my essay. I could add more specific examples to my body paragraphs to make the essay more interesting. I inlcuded all of my citations correctly into my essay.**
 * I do answer the question how do you know in my essay. The evidence that I use in my essay could be a lot better and a lot stronger. The majority of my evidence is very weak.**
 * My evidence is introduced and explained clearly and it is cited correctly.**
 * Each sentence in my paragraphs lead to or from a central point. They all lead to or from the topic sentence. My first body paragraph is my most coherent paragraph and my second body paragraph is my least coherent.**
 * Only one of my body paragraphs is fully developed. My second body paragraph is not finished and therefore not fully developed. My first body paragraph is my most developed paragraph.**
 * My essay is written clearly and it is relatively free of errors. I have a few spelling mistakes in my essay.**

Overall: 1. How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? 2. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
 * My essay is not very interesting. It would not be that interesting to many readers. It may be interesting to readers that take interest in reading such pieces of literature as The Prince or Leviathan. My first body paragraph is the most ineresting. The reader may be confused at the abrupt ending of my essay.**
 * My essay is not very effective and it would not convince many of the members of my class to believe my thesis statement. It does not contain enough evidence and it is not completed.**