P4+JMartinez

Welcome!

Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * //Yet as similar as their view of mankind is, contemporary society has shown that Hobbes view of how to manage mankind is more effective.//**

1)Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) Yes, the thesis statement expresses the main point i make in the essay. " **//society has shown Hobbes view of how to manage mankind is more effective.//** 2)Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) Yes the thesis statement reflects everything in my essay. It also reflects everything in the thesis statement. 3)Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) No the thesis statement has a negative one instead of a positive one. (verb: is, subject:mankind)**//mankind is//** 4)Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? Yes the thesis stament does posit an argument worth arguing, the argument is that co9ntemporary society has proven hobbes view of how to manage mankind more effective. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Evry clause in the thesis statement is not in the active voice. (Verbs: is, Subject: mankind) 5)Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) No the thesis does not answer the questions "why?" or "how?" 6)Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? My thesis statement is clear, it's precise and limited, it's informative. **//Yet as similar as their view of mankind is, contemporary society has shown that Hobbes view of how to manage mankind is more effective.//**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)

Nicolo Machiavelli and Thomas Hobbes both have similar views of mankind but their ideas of how to manage mankind is very different. Thomas Hobbes believes, "nature hath made men so equal in the faculties of body and mind", Machiavelli’s believe of mankind is very similar. **//Yet as similar as their view of mankind is, contemporary society has shown Hobbes view of how to manage mankind is more effective.//**
 * Introduction:**


 * Conclusion:**

1)Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) My first paragraph is interesting, though the information is and material is not likely to catch the reader's attention but it's pretty concrete. "Thomas Hobbes believes, "nature hath made men so equal in the faculties of body and mind", Machiavelli’s believe of mankind is very similar." 2)Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.) 1)The document that today governs our country, the United States of America, holds many of Hobbes beliefs to be true. 2)Hobbes believed that the nature of humanity leads people to seek power, "the right of nature, which writers commonly call just naturale..." (Leviathan).
 * Topic Sentences:**

Hobbes believed that the nature of humanity leads people to seek power, "the right of nature, which writers commonly call just naturale..." (Leviathan). An example of his belief is Chris Gardner, though he’s born with the same talents as any other men, he didn’t have the material goods to equal those of other people. He went from being a homeless man with a child to a instant millionaire. This also goes along with Hobbes belief that though men are born with equal talents in their life they never truly reach full equality in their lives therefore leading to constant war. Men are given talents equal to those of other men but not all men are going to reach full equality. Hobbes also writes in //The Leviathan// that men are born with the right to use their talents to succeed and seek peace.
 * Best Paragraph:**

The document that today governs our country, the United States of America, holds many of Hobbes beliefs to be true. An example is the fourteenth amendment, that states, "No state shall make or enforce any law... deprive any person life, liberty, or property..."(fourteenth amendment). Thomas Hobbes believed mankind was in constant war and need someone to govern them, that’s why there are "contracts", which according to Hobbes is, "the mutual transferring of rights." (Leviathan). He believed that in order to protect mankinds life and freedom they must give up some of their rights to keep peace. Since the constitution was adopted in 1787 American citizens have given the government to prosecute, protect and pass laws in order to keep peace and order with mankind. There are other beliefs of Hobbes that today mankind sees.
 * Worst Paragraph:**

1)Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The overall organization of the essay isn't very good, the ideas jump around but it's still understandable. The paragraphs do have a flow to them and they do seem to get you somewhere. 2)Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? the overall oragabization is okay but could have been stronger. The transition from one paragraph to the other is not very strong for the most part it's weak. "Hobbes also writes in //The Leviathan// that men are born with the right to use their talents to succeed and seek peace." 3)Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? My essay would not be persuasive to someone who doubts my thesis statement. The evidence i use could be questioned by the reader. "No state shall make or enforce any law... deprive any person life, liberty, or property..." for example the constitution. I do write about actual people in my essay, people such as Chris Gardner. My essay could have been more interesting if i would have added more specific examples such as people who have worked from the bottom up. 4)In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) I do not answer the question "How doyou Know?' which could leave the reader in doubt of wether the evidence really supports my idea. if i would've been more specific with the evidence my essay would have been stronger. "Thomas Hobbes believed mankind was in constant war and need someone to govern them, that’s why there are "contracts", which according to Hobbes is, "the mutual transferring of rights." (Leviathan). " 5)Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) The evidence is inteoduced but not explained clearly or cited correctly. ("No state shall make or enforce any law... deprive any person life, liberty, or property..."(fourteenth amendment).) 6)Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Yes each sentence does lead to the central popint. The most coherent paragraph is the third one " Men are given talents equal to those of other men but not all men are going to reach full equality." and the least coherent is the second one. 7)Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? 8)Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?

1) **Subject:** Colonist being oppressed by the British.
 * Occasion:** Before the revolutionary war.
 * Audience:** All colonist (loyalist, patriots, and the colonist who are neutral)
 * Purpose:** To unite the colonist to fight for one common cause.

Speaker: Thomas Paine 2) **Diction:** The first sentence of the essay, "These are the times that try men’s souls." Paine starts his essay off strong and as the essay goes on he makes many references to god giving the sense that he’s preaching. Ex 1: "...God almighty will not give up a people to military destruction..." Ex 2: "...that God governs the world..."
 * Tone:** Formal and Passionate

Allusions: "Britain with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to tax) but to bind us in cases whatsoever."

Unfamiliar words: 1. Tories- colonist who remained loyal to Great Britain. 2. Impious- showing no respect (reverence) to God 3. Infidel- a person who holds no religious belief. 3) **Key Details:** Paine refers to God, saying that God will not abandon them or desert them in their fight to separate from Britain, "...God almighty will not give up a people to military destruction, or leave them unsupportedly to perish..."

Sensory Details: Sight- "...for though the flame of liberty may sometimes cease to shine, the coal can never expire..." Hearing- "...unfatherly expression, "Well! Give me peace in my day."... a generous parent should have said, "If there must be trouble let it be in my day, that my child may have peace"; and this single reflection..."

Imagery: Ex 1- "The heart that feels not now, is dead: the blood of his children will curse his cowardice..." Ex 2- "Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods..." 6) The colonist wether they’re loyalist, patriots or neutral must unite in the fight for their freedom. 7) The language in Thomas Paines’ essay is formal. 8) **Scheme:** Paine starts the essay off strong and keeps the essay that way., he starts off by writing about the unfairness the colonist are facing and how the British will eventually get what they deserve. In the following paragraph he writes about God and how God will not abandon them in their quest for freedom. Paine follows the second paragraph by criticizing the Tories, and goes on to give an example, "...unfatherly expression, "Well! Give me peace in my day."... a generous parent should have said, "If there must be trouble let it be in my day, that my child may have peace"; and this single reflection...". In the final paragraph of the essay he goes on to write about the justice the colonist will receive and how Gods will, will reach them anywhere they are and who ever they are, "It matters not were you live, or what rank of live you hold, the evil or the blessing will reach you all."

Figure of Speech: Ex 1: "...give us up to the care of the devil..." Ex 2: "...that America will never be happy till she gets clear of..."