P4+ACurtis

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //The Iroquois Constitiution was the basis or beginning influence for the U.S. Constitution to be written//**.

1. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) **Yes, it does because it sums up maybe what the Native American tribes wanted as a whole, peace.** 2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)**Yes, it does because it focuses on what is in the Constitution and how it differs from the U.S.** 3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) **The thesis statement is a positive one.** 4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? **No because the Iroquois Constitution did influence the U.S. Constitution.** 5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) **No because it refers to the past.** **//Subject: Iroquois Constitution Verb: was//** 6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) **Yes it does because it compares and contrasts between the U.S. Constitution and the Iroquois Constitution** 7. Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? **Yes it is clear, informative and can be defensible.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Introduction The Iroquois Constitution is like the U.S. Constitution except that the Iroquois focus on different things.**
 * //The Iroquois Constitution was the basis or beginning influence for the U.S. Constitution to be written.//

Conclusion
 * Overall the Iroqouis Constitution had a big impact on the U.S. Constitution because it was the model used to create the U.S. Constitution. The Iroquois Constitution was written before its time and therefore shows how advanced the Native American tribes were.**

1. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) **Yes it is interesting because it begins to show the differences.** 2. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. **Yes it makes a clear contract. I believe that my contract is to show the equallity between the two documents and how advanced the Native American tribes were.** 3. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) **Yes because it wraps up the comparisons between the two documents.** C. Body 1. **One of the things that the Iroquois Constitution focuses on is death.** 2. **The U.S. Constitution tells how the government should be ran.** 3. **Equality was a main point in both Constitutions.** 4. **The Peacemaker was someone like Jesus who was born to a virgin mother.** 5. **Women were mentioned throughout the Iroquois Constitution**

Women were mentioned throughout the Iroquois Constitution. They had an important role in society. They had their own ceremony when one of them died and they were a major part of the community. They were the ones who cooked and cleaned and did almost all of the same household chores that a women does today. The only difference is that the women had a voice. In the U.S. Constitution women are not even mentioned. They probably weren't even thought of when it was written.
 * Best Paragraph:**

The U.S. Constitution tells how the government should be ran. It tells only of how the government should be separated, but have equal power. That was how the Senate and House of Representatives was created. It also tells of the rights of people should be protected and how the president should behave as well as how the Senate and house of reps. could vote to get a bill passed. With the Iroquois Constitution everyone was equal.
 * Worst Paragraph:**

1. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? **Most of the paragraphs move forward and move toward a point. The one mentioned above however seems to jump around and doesn't move toward a point.** 2. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? **The transition between paragraphs is strongest between paragraphs two and three. It is the weakest between paragraphs four and five.** 3. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? **It might not be too persuasive to some people only if they understood what I was talking about or if they did research. Yes, I wrote about the creator or influencer of the constitution and he might have been a real person. I could probably made the second paragraph more interesting.** 4. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) **Yes I do because I use The Iroquois Constitution and the U.S. Constitution as sources. My evidence is strongest in the fifth paragraph and was the weakest in the second.** 5. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) **It is introduced and explained clearly however it is not cited very well.** 6. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? **Yes they do.** 2A **My most coherent paragraph is paragraph five and my least coherent paragraph is paragraph two** 7. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? **Yes, every paragraph seems to be developed.** 2C **Paragraph five is fully developed and paragraph two is not and my best paragraph is paragraph five and my worst is four.** 8. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? **It is well written although it contains a few spelling errors.** 5D **My most frequent errors seem to be spelling.** Overall: 1. How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? **It is a very interesting essay. It would be more interesting to readers who like history. It would be less interesting to those who do not like history. Paragraphs one and five are interesting and paragraphs two and four are not. Paragraph two and four seem to repeat several things.** 2. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? **It is a semi effective essay. It probably would persuade the other members of the class very well because my thesis is believe able and can be supported by research.**