P3+MStack

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Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

Thesis:
 * Both men believe in believe in freedom and equality of men, and their arguments are in agreement to the goodness of man, however, in comtemporary society Thomas Hobbes's managment suggestions are more relavant.**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)
 * My thesis statement expresses the main point of the essay because it explains that Hobbes view of managment of mankind is more relavant to today's society and my essay expalins the point.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)
 * Yes, my thesis statement reflects everything in my essay. It correctly develops my point and view. My essay also develops my thesis statement.

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)
 * My thesis statement is a positive one, because it states what Hobbes did do.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
 * The argument is worth arguing. The argument is that Thomas Hobbes views of mangagment of mankind are more relavant in today's society.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)
 * Yes, my thesis statement is in active voice. For example, their arguments __are__ in agreement... and managment suggestions __are__ more relavant.

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)
 * My thesis sentence answers the how and why questions to the satisfaction of the reader. It states that Hobbes is supported, because his suggestions for managment of society are more relavent.

Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?
 * Yes, my thesis statement is clear, it makes sense and is defensible.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Intro: In the writings of Machiavelli and Hobbes, both men demonstrate a similar view of mankind. The difference between the two men is their style of managing society. **//Both men believe in believe in freedom and equality of men, and their arguments are in agreement to the goodness of man, however, in comtemporary society Thomas Hobbes's managment suggestions are more relavant.//**

Conclusion: Hobbes ideas of society managment are relavant in contemporary society. His ideas of human interactment and human nature are acceptable suggestions for managment of society.

Is your first paragragh interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
 * Yes, my introduction is interesting. It provides details about the rest of the essay that develops through out the paper. However, it could be more interesting by developing the introdutction further.

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.
 * There is no clear contract with the reader. The reader could be interested in the managment of mankind, but that would only be the clear contract.

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)
 * The conclusion is some what satisfying. It could be more developed to satisfy the reader further. More information also could have been added to tie the conclusion in with the rest of the essay.

C. Body

Best: One of the bases of society is freedom, and with freedom comes equality. "Nature hath made men so equal in the facilities of body and mind as that, though there be found one sometimes manifestly stronger in body or of quicker mind than another." (//Leviathan// Chapter 13). Hobbes believed all men are created equal. In society, especially in the United States equality and freedom are important assets to society and freedom of all men is expressed and carried out by the Constitution. In the United States equality of man prevents a hierarchial government, and creates a governement with as much equality as possible. Hobbes also believed that when all men have equal rights they should be able to govern themselves. Hobbes states, that when all men are equal, "liberty is understood, according to the proper signification of the word, the absence of external implediments." (//Leviathan// Chapter 14). When all men are equal, the men who govern the people understood the people they are governing and are able to preform the best job possible. This is especially true in the United States, because the President and other govorning officials are eleccted from the people, by the people.

Worst: Another principle Hobbes believed in was, with equality comes the hunger for power, and human beings desire power. This is the principle in which Hobbes describes the selfishness of nature and of the nature of mankind. "The right of nature, ... is the liberty each man hath to use his own power as he himself of the preservation of his own nature." (//Leviathan// Chapter 14). Hobbes believes that humans sometimes use the power they have gained to preserve himself, rather than perserving mankind. In an exception, power hunger can be a good trait for humans, because most power hungry humans get the power to govern the people. It just depends on the person, whether they use the power they have recieved for their own gains, or the gains of mankind.

Topic Sentence: Hobbes also believes that when two men are after the samething, materialistic or other, they become enemies.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason?
 * The paragraphs of my essay do move in a logical and developed order. The reader would experience getting somewhere and amswering questions, especially about Hobbes government managment ideas.

Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * The organization of the essay is goods, but it could be better. The strongest transition is between the second paragraph and the third.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay?
 * My essay would persuade someone who doubts my thesis statement, because I prove the statement and give it support. This is done successfully by the use of quotes and examples.  For example I use Hobbes idea of freedom and Hobbes idea of human nature.  I use people in general as an example.

Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?
 * I could add another story or example in the third body paragraph.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied?
 * I could answer the "how do you know question better by explain Thomas Hobbes better.

Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)
 * The quality of evidence is good because it is straight from the source and develops the essay. I think my evidence is strongest in the first body paragraph and weakest in the third body paragraph.

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)
 * My essay cites the work from which the evidence came from.

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * Some sentences lead away from the topic sentence. The most coherent paragraph is the first body paragraph.  the least is the third.

Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * Not every paragraph is fully developed. The second and third body paragraphs could be more developed.  The best developed paragraph is the first body and the worst is the third.

Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
 * The essay over all is well written and there are only a few spelling errors.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?
 * My essay overall is intreresting, it states the way Hoibbes manages mankind. The type of reader that would be most interested in my eaay is a reader who is interested in governement and how the governement is run. Readers who don't like government and disagree with Hobbes's views wouldn't be interested in my writing. The paragraph about society and freedom is the most interseting. The paragragh about the enemies is the least interesting. There are a few parts where the reader might be bored or confused.

How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
 * I believe that my essay is partly effective. Parts of it are persuading and parts are boring. I believe i would lose the reader in some parts.