P3+SLyons

Welcome!

Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * //The U.S. and Iroquois Constitutions have many similarities such as treason punishments and rules along with differences such as women's role in government.//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)

-This thesis statement some what expresses the main point, it gives examples "treason" and "women's role in government but it doesn't express the main point which is that "The United States and Iroquois Constitution are strikingly similar".

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)

-It reflects most of the ideas pressented in this essay. It talks about the "treson" and "women's role" but not "organization of different houses in government

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)

-It does make a possitive statement because it is not saying that there was anything wrong with the essay, it is saying what is similar and different.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?

-This thesis does not really create an argument.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)

-The clauses are in active voice. active: have

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)

-It does state how by showing examples of "how?" with "treason" and "women's role in government".

Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?

-This thesis is precise and limited. It says what is different and similar and that is about it.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) __Intro:__ Multiple Countries have had a constitution that created a strong base for a long time. This is true for both the Iroquois Constitution and the United States Constitution. **//The U.S. and Iroquois Constitutions have many similarities such as treason punishments and rules along with differences such as a women's role in government.//**

__Conclusion:__ The United States and Iroquois Constitution are strikingly similar with only a few differences. There are other similarities in the areas of war, picking a leader, and leader qualifications. This shows that these constitutions may have influenced each other due to their similar stand on certain political issues.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)

-No, it just has a not very exciting opening and the thesis.

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.

-I do make a clear contract with the reader. I state that I will show them the "similarities" and "differences" between the "U.S. and Iroquois Constitution".

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)

-It does not completely satisfy the contract. It just restates that the 2 constitutions are "strikingly similar with only a few differences".

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.) __Ts 1:__ The Iroquois Constitution is very similar to that of the United States. __Ts 2:__ Another example of these constitutions being similar is their organization of different houses in government. __Ts 3:__ There are some differences between the Iroquois and U.S. Constitutions.

__Best Body:__ The Iroquois Constitution is very similar to that of the United States. Each of these consists of rules of treason. "If a nation...should in any way endeavor to destroy the Great Peace by neglect or violating its laws and resolve to dissolve the Confederacy...shall be deemed guilty of treason..." (The Great Binding Law, Art. 92). This states that if one of the nations or parts of nations neglect the others then it will be guilty of treason and be driven from the territory. This is similar to the U.S. Constitution. "Treason against the United States shall consist only in levying War...adhering to their Enemies." (U.S. Constitution, Art. V, Section 3, Clause 2). This clearly shows that the U.S. Constitution and the Iroquois Constitution are very similar.

__Worst Body:__ Another example of these constitutions being similar is their organization of different houses in government. The Iroquois Union had "Fire Keepers" (Iroquois Constitution, Art. 4 & 8) which are similar to the U.S. Judicial Branch. A "Council of the Mohawk" (Iroquois Constitution, Art. 5) which is split into three sections. This is similar to the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate. This shows that the Iroquois Constitution created multiple parties and seperation of powers. This shows the constitutions are remarkably similar.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?

-They do not move in a logical direction. The first 2 are similarities while the last is differences. It does jump around. This essay organization is quite weak. It is strongest between the 1st and 2nd body paragraphs, "This clearly shows that the U.S. Constitution and the Iroquois Constitution are very similar./ Another example of these constitutions being similar is their organization of different houses in government." and weakest between the 2nd and 3rd, "This shows the constitutions are remakably similar./ There are some differences between the Iroquois and U.S. Constitution."

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation?

-It would be slightly persuasive because I can only point out some of the similarities and differences because the documents are so long that it would take many pages to do the whole thing. Support would be for "treason"- "'If a nations...should in any way endeavor to destroy the Great Peaceby neglect or violating its laws and resolve to dissolve the Confederacy...shall be deemed guilty of treason.' (The Great Binding Law, Art. 92)." and for the U.S.- "'Treason against the United States shall consist only in levying War...adhering to their Enemies.' (U.S. Const., Art. V, Section 3, Clause 2)". I do not use actual people in this essay. I do not believe a stoy would be apropriate for this essay because this essay is about government facts.

Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?

-The citations and sources were provided correctly.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)

- I did not answer that question. I explained how the facts were relevant to the topic but all of the claims were made after reading the 2 constitutions. The evidence was moderately well done. It is strongest din the first body paragraph with support for "treason"- "'If a nations...should in any way endeavor to destroy the Great Peaceby neglect or violating its laws and resolve to dissolve the Confederacy...shall be deemed guilty of treason.' (The Great Binding Law, Art. 92)." and for the U.S.- "'Treason against the United States shall consist only in levying War...adhering to their Enemies.' (U.S. Const., Art. V, Section 3, Clause 2)". while it was weakest in the second body with only "Fire Keepers" and "Council of the Mohawk".

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)

- Yes, all of the evidence is sited using the names of the documents and the place it was found in that document.

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?

-Most of the sentences lead to the central point. The most coherent was the 1st body paragraph while the least coherent was the 2nd body paragraph.

Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?

-Almost all of the paragraphs are developed. The 1st and 3rd body paragraphs are but the intro, the 2nd body, and the conclusion could have used a bit more information. My best paragraph is the 1st body paragraph while my worst overall is the 2nd body paragraph.

Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

-This essay is semi-clear of errors. the most common mistake was leaving off the "s" at the end of "constitution"(s)

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?

-This essay is not that interesting. It is just facts. People that are interested in the constitution would be interested by this work. Other readers would thing it would be boring. The most interesting part is the part about "treason". The least interesting is the part about "houses in government".

How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?

-I believe that most of the people in the class would believe my ideas because there is evidence from the sources that show that I am correct with my thoughts.