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Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statemen//t and essa**y unity.**


 * Hobbes' view is more withstanding in modern day sowiety than Machiavelli's due to his view on the leader's role in w**//**ar and mankind.**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) Yes my thesis statement does express the main point of my essay. "contemporary society has shown who's view of how manage mankind has proven more efficient." Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) The thesis statement is a positive one, "contemporary society has shown" Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Every clause in the thesis statement is not in the active voice, Subjects: Mankind; Verb: is Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)

Nicolo Machiavelli and Thomas Hobbes both have similar views of mankind, but their ideas of how to manage mankind is very different. Thomas Hobbes believes, "nature hath made men so equal in the faculties of body and mind",(Hobbes) Machiavelli' s believe of mankind is very similar. Yet as similar as their view of mankind is contemporary society has shown who's view of mankind has proven more efficient.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) My first paragraph is not that interesting, it does however provide specific material that is likely to catch the readers attention. "Thomas Hobbes believes, "nature hath made men so equal in the faculties of body and mind",(Hobbes) Machiavelli' s believe of mankind is very similar." Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.) Topic Sentences: 1: The document that today goeverns our country, the United States of America, holds many of Hobbes beliefs to be true. 2: Hobbes believed that the nature of humanity leads people to seek power,"The right of nature, which writes commonly call just naturale..."(Levithan).

Best Paragraph: Worst Paragraph:

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?