P3+CMendez

=A. Thesis statement and essay unity.= Questions: //1)// **Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)** Yes, the essay does expresss the main point that I make in the essay. Yes the thesis statement does reflect everything in the essay. This is evident as the evidence then refers back to thesis. The thesis stament makes no negative refrence to the choice and accepts both the answers. Yes, the thesis does posit an arguement that is actually worth arguing. It answers the question in a way which must be defended in order to succed. The arguement is, "Thomas Hobbes and Machiavelli are both correct, as both of their ideas are present in todays society. No, it does not use active voice. It is rather bland. It fails to fully answere the question why, and how. It leaves the reader wanting to know exactly why something is the way it is. The thesis in general could have been done more clearly. The thesis statement is clear for the most part, but is rather broad. It can also be confusing due to the messy nature of the introdution paraghraph. It can be controversial due to it agreeing with both choices rather than one. It is also defensible.
 * //Both Thomas Hobbes and Machiavelli are in my opinoion correct as to their views regarding how government should be managed.//**
 * //2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)//**
 * 3)Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) The thesis statement makes a positive** **statement rather than a negative one.**
 * 4)Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?**
 * 5)Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)**
 * //6)//Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)**
 * 7)Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?**

B. Introduction and conclusion.
Machievelli and Hobbes had some great views on humanity, and its nature. Although both they are both great in their own respects, I tend to agree with both Machiavelli's and Hobbes points. My first paragraph is not very interesting. It does not provide much concrete evidence and, is unlikely to catch the readers attetion. It does focus on the topic, but would've been much better with more evidence to support the argument. No a clear contract in never really established. Although you can infer there is one, which is, for I the author, will convinve the reader that both Hobbes and Machiavelli are correct. No it was quickly done and does not refer back to any of the evidence provided. All it does is quickly restate the thesis.
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)**
 * Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.**
 * Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)**

**C. Body**
(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.) Topic Sentence: Paragraph 2 - Hobbes view point differs as he believes humans are just, and thus must be told the truth Paragraph 3 - Machiavelli also believes that humans are naturally evil, while Hobbes believes they aren't nessecarily evil. Best Paraghraph- Worst Paraghraph-

Yes they do move in a logical direction, as they move towards proving the main point. Yes, but it does it weakly,due to the weak concrete evidence. The overall orginization is fine, but there is room for improvement. The transition between paragraphs is strong between the introduction and the first paragraph. The weakest transiton is in between the second to last, and last paragraph. 3) **Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?** Not every claim is fully satisfied. The overall quality of the evidence is somewhat weak, although very few points are excellent. Yes the work cited is correctly introduced, and cited correctly. Yes each sentence in the paragraph leads to and from the central point, but could have been done better. The most coherent paragraph is the second paragraph, the least is the second to last. Each paragraph is not fully developed, which happend to be the the last two paragraphs. The worst happens to be the second to last paragraph, while the best is the second paragraph. It is relatively free of grammar and spelling errors. Although there are a few words that are mispelled, but not to an extent that manages to hinder the readers understanding.
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?**
 * 2) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?**
 * 4)In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4])**
 * 5) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3)**
 * 6) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?**
 * 7) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?**
 * 8 )Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?**

Overall:
1) **How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?** This essay is not very intresting and nor should it be to anyone. It tends to be very confusing in the begginning, as the essay is very messy especially in the beginning. The essay fails to be very effective, due to some orginization errors, and low amount of provide evidence. It would be rather uneffective at providing any persuation towards any class members. This is due, once again, to low amount of evidence provided.
 * 2) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?**