P3+KKhan

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)

//**He had many radical ideas towards the views of mankind. The main ideas include the teachings of a prince, how a prince should lead his country, and what makes a great prince.**//

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)

- I believe the thesis statement I have written at the end of my essay expresses some of the main ideas that I wanted to get across.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)

- I do not believe that the thesis statement reflects everything in my essay. I give very little information regarding the main ideas towards the thesis statement.

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)

- My thesis statement is more positive rather than negative due to the fact that it states why Machiavelli's position is better.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)

- My thesis does not posit an argument worth arguing; the argument had dealt with just one focus rather than comparing them with others. Some of the clauses are in an active voice. view=subject ideas=verbs

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)

Yes, my thesis statement answers the questions why and how. It states as to how I feel Machiavelli is as a superior and how his views are greatly important.

Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?

Yes, I believe most of stated above are seen in my essay. It is in some ways informative, but not so much controversial. It could be seen as informative due to the fact that if a random person that didn't know anything about Machiavelli would learn some things about his views and ideas.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)

Niccolo Machiavelli was a man with many great ideas. //**He had radical ideas towards the views of mankind. The main ideas include the teachings of**// //**a prince, how a prince should lead his country, and what makes a great prince.**//

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)

- I believe my first paragraph is boring, due to the fact that it's short and some what repetitive. A reader might be interested in the fact of knowing "how a prince should lead his country" etc.

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)

- Contract, as in the prompt? I believe that my contract is somewhat unclear and unorganized. I believe the contract is answering the prompt to the best of my abilities. No, the conclusion of my essay is very scrambled up and would not satisfy the reader to a great extent.

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.) Niccolo Machiavelli was a man with great ideas. __**Topic Sentence #2:**__ When dealing with the teachings of a prince, Machiavelli gives many examples of how the actions of a prince are presented. __**Topic Sentence #3:**__ When dealing with how a prince must rule his country, Machiavelli gives clear cut examples. __**Topic Sentence #4:**__ Machiavelli includes and argues about many ideas brought upon mankind.
 * __Topic Sentence #1:__**

//**Best Paragraph:**// Machiavelli includes and argues about many ideas brought upon mankind. His arguments bring a state of clearness and confidence. Machiavelli also brings up many great points and many great arguments as to how issues of mankind could be seen.

//**Worst Paragraph:**// When dealing with the teachings of a prince he gives many examples of how the actions of a prince go off and are shown to his people. The words he chooses emphasize on the main ideas a prince presents."a quote" When stating this he expresses the fact that a prince should tend to his people.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?

- The essay seems to jump around for no apparent reason. It goes from one point, then repeats, then goes off into another rant about random goodness etc. My overall organization wasn't so great.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)

- I pretty much believe this essay was not well written, due to the lack of organization, lack of information (due to my part), and maybe the time had something to do with it. This essay wouldn't really be seen to be persuasive to someone who doubts my statement. In the essay I wrote basically about the main person.

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)

- The evidence is there, but it is not worded so greatly. The citations are properly cited.

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What's your least?

- No, the sentences in each paragraph don't lead from the central point to the topic sentence, it's all over the place. I have no coherent paragraph.

Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

- Most of my paragraphs are not fully developed, they lack evidence and more detail writing wouldn't hurt. Most frequent errors would be the fact that I kept getting brain freezes and wrote random things. My grammar is correct, I believe I used proper words to contrast with the other writing.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?

- This essay is not very interesting at all. This would apply to no types of readers. To other peers, it would probably be less interesting. There are many parts where the reader will become confused... maybe not bored.

How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?

-This essay would not be too effective. The majority of my peers would not be persuaded due to the fact that this essay lacked many things, as mentioned previously.

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