P3+RGolden

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.
//**Although, Hobbes pulls a strong argument of the nature of men and the enemies between themselves, Machiavelli underlines the real necessities when being a ruler.**//

-Yes, my thesis expreses what I say in my essay. My thesis lays out the argument I present in the body paragraphs. It would have been alot stronger of an argument had I been able to have more of a counter example rather than the one I had. -Yes, my thesis statement reflects everything I say in the essay. My essay is developed becuase of my thesis. My body paragraphs not only work off the works of literature but also the thesis statement that helps develop my argument to be stronger. -Yes, my thesis makes a positive statement because it presents both works and it presents which argument I am going with. //-//Yes, my argument is worth arguing because my body paragraphs have present and past examples ofhow my argument is true and sometimes wrong. My argument is that in Hobbes work it explains how mankind have quarels with one another and how Machiavellis work presents how a ruler can control a nation or empire corectly. I argue that Machiavellis work is stronger in presenting how he thinks mankind should live. //-// Yes, the clauses in the thesis statement are in the active voice. Subjects: Hobbes and Maciavelli Verbs: argument, underlines -Yes and no. My thesis presents why and how Machiavellis work is better in presenting how mankind should live than Hobbes, but I think the thesis lacks some depth. I feel it could have been alot stronger in presenting my argument. Not that my argument is weak, its just my thesis doesnt present it as strongly as I would like it to be. -My thesis statement is clear and informative, but I think it could have been more controversial and defensible so that readersfrom either position could understand my argument. I dont think my thesis is entirely one sided, but it definitely doesnt have enough of both sides to be defensible to either position.
 * Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay?**
 * Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement?**
 * Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one?**
 * Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?**
 * Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)**
 * Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay.**
 * Is your thesis statement clear, precise and limited, controversial or informative, and defensible?**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

 * Introduction:** When you are the ruler of a nation or empire there are multiple ways in governing or managing it and the society it carrys. In Nicolo Machiavellis //The Prince// and Thomas Hobbes //Leviathan// chapters 13 and 14 you the reader understand two view points of how one should run a nation or empire. //**Although, Hobbes pulls a strong argument of the nature of men and the enemies between themselves, Machiavelli underlines the real necessities when being a ruler.**//
 * Conclusion:**

//-//Yes and no. My introduction is good, but its not that interesting. I dont think it exactly draws the reader in the read more. Yes it provides examples and material from the works of literature I am drawing my argument from, but I am not so sure how well it draws the readers attention when reading my introduction paragraph. //-//Yes, I think I make a cear contract with the reader. My contract is my thesis statement, though it not only explains what I am going to argue and my positions it also contracts with the reader getting into the position I am currently in. My introduction leads up to my thesis and lets the reader really understand my position as a writer. -Didnt get to write a conclusion
 * Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic?**
 * Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.**
 * Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How?**

C. Body
George W. Bush would although be an exception. In Machiavellis The Prince, he explains the duties of a prince and how he should run his principalitity (his territory he is ruler of).
 * Topic Sentences:** In Hobbes Leviathan, he explains the natural laws of men.


 * Body Paragraphs:** **//Worst://** In Machiavellis The Prince, he explains the duties of a prince and how he should run his principality (his territory he is ruler of). Although America does not live under the rule of princes, kings or queens, the rules and duties still have the same meaning. He explains how a prince or president should deal with certain national crisiss's. The book is a sort of national guideline to ruling. The Prince, helps set up a guide for the prince to follow; without the guide the ruler gets lost in his own desires. James Polk, president of the United States during the Mexico-American war, was so concerned with gaining territory entirely to the pacific through Manifest Destiny he forgot about his own country. He put the country into a war that didnt need to be fought and ultimately led to Americas own dividing and Civil War. Machiavelli shows the duties a ruler must follow to rule his principality smoothly and easily. Hence, if Polk had used the ideas of Machiavelli and not gone under his own desires,as Hobbes mentioned, he would have had a stronger presidency and led to less wars and corruption.
 * //Best://** In Hobbes Leviathan, he explains the natural laws of men. He states the desires a man searchs for that lead to enemies and war. In the first paragraph of chapter 13, Hobbes explains mans nature; we were all created equal, but some how so some developed to be manifestly stronger than others. Machiavellis The Prince, states that a ruler is bound to the rulers throne by family descendents. When Andrew Jackson was elected president of the United States, he was not put into presidency by a family heir. Though The Prince claims a ruler should be put into power because of royal background, he also says that if there is no family heir that continue the legacy, a vote must be taken. Jackson was the first presidents to come from nothing and gain everything. As Hobbes explains, we were all created equal. Jackson was once amongst the poor (when men were equal) and rose to become Americas president (when mankind grew stronger than others). Although Hobbes argues that mankind develops to higher power, Machiavelli says you are born with that power. Yes, it is possible to move your way up the ladder, but great heros and rulers were born with greatness in their blood.

//-// I do think that my essay moves in a very logical order becuase it moves from my point of view towards a counter example. The reader does have an experience of getting somewhere with my argument. My essay may jump around a bit, but it generally continues with the same basic idea, my argument. I think the transition between body paragraphs 1 and 2 are the strongest because it comes from my point a of view directly into a counter example and not only that but it is about George W. Bush, which is a topic for every reader. I think that the transition between my body paragraphs 2 and 3 are the weakest becuase it moves from a counter example to my argument, but it lacks the strength the other transition had. //-//Yes I write about actual people in each body paragraph. In the first I write about Andrew Jackson, the second George W. Bush, and the third one about James Polk. I use each of those politcal leaders to exempt my argument becuase it deals with political issues. I think my examples are interesting enough and good examples. Although it would help the reader to know these leaders pretty well. They are very famous in history so I am almost positive it wouldnt be a problem for readers to understand, inless they dont know U.S. history at all. //-// I dont think I need to cite my sources becuase I dont use direct quotes, I use information and facts from the text and I continuely use the authors names so I think that is enough citation for those sources in which the prompt prompted me to use.//I// //-//I think that I generally answer the question "how do you know?", but I think that it could have been much stronger. I think that the evidence in body paragraphs 1 and 2 are the strongest becuase they feed off eachother and answers both sides of the argument while using doubts in the readers. The weakest would have to be the third body pargraph becuase it doesnt exactly feed off of another idea. I think one more body paragraph would have made the essay flow better and then a conclusion. //-//I did not cite my sources using the MLA format becuase I did not see the need to cite sources the reader should be generally aware of. The sources didnt need to cited becuase I never used direct quotes either. //-// Yes, I think that my paragraphs lead from one to the next except when it goes from 2 to 3, again like I had mentioned before I think a 4th body paragraph would have allowed my argument and essay to flow better together. I think the flow worked best with the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs becuase they made ideas that followed eachother. //-//I think every one is developed except my 3rd body paragraph. I dont think it is a bad paragraph I just think it needs another one counter exampling it and then a conclusion to tie the idea conpletely together. -I think this essay has a few grammatical and spelling errors. I think grammatical errors would be more frequent than spelling errors. Although both are hard subjects on my essays.
 * Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?**
 * Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation?**
 * Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?**
 * In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest.**
 * Is evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format?**
 * Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?**
 * Is every paragraph fully developed? Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?**
 * Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? What are your most frequent errors?**

Overall:
//-//I think this essay is very interesting and would appeal to anyone who is interested in our political world and also how our country is ruled and why it is the way it is. I think my examples are interesting and help my argument. I think those who do not know the political leaders I mention would be very bored and confused becuase they wouldnt understand what I am saying and how it helps my argument. //-//I think that my essay is very good at persuading the readers over my argument. My argument is strong and my examples are strong so it makes the essay successful. I think my essay could be doubted by some, but I overall feel that my essay could persuade most readers to understand my argument and point of view on the subject.
 * How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?**
 * How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?**