P3+EZaidler

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * When compared with the United States Constitution, the Iroqouis Constitution has several similarities and differences. The Iroqouis Constitution speaks of a Council of Fire which resembles the House of Representatives and thr Senate. In each Constitution it also states that at least all men are created equal. However, in the Iroqouis Constitution there are sections that basically forbid civil war; and others that give women rights. The U.S Constitution could say no such thing at the time.**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? What I stated in my thesis was the base of the whole essay, the rest of the essay was dedidcated to expanding the thesis. For example, the body paragraphs.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? In the thesis, I describe key similarities and differences between the two constitutions and further analyze them throughout the essay.

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? It makes a negative one by saying that Americans appeared to be more savage than Indians. It makes a positive statement by showing that the nation has matured.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) The argument is worth arguing, it is arguing that we were greater savages than the Indians that the American people called savages at the time. (Subjects: Iroqouis Constitution, U.S Constitution, Council of Fire, House of Reps., Senate, women) (Verbs: States, created, forbid, give)

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. The thesis states the "why" and "how" because it states the basic principles of the argument, and it sets up further discussion on the argument. It does gives little in the thesis. Is your thesis statement clear, precise and limited, controversial or informative ,and defensible? The thesis is clear, it states what the essay is about, it is perhaphs too precise by means that it states more than it should. The thesis is informative, the reader know what the essay will be about and what the argument will be. It is defendable, it could have a powerful argument.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) In the early 1800's, the United States wanted to move West and to do so they would have to remove the "savages". The Indians tried to show the U.S that they were civilized by forming the Iroqouis Constitution. **When compared with the United States Constitution, the Iroqouis Constitution has several similarities and differences. The Iroqouis Constitution speaks of a Council of Fire which resembles the House of Representatives and thr Senate. In each Constitution it also states that at least all men are created equal. However, in the Iroqouis Constitution there are sections that basically forbid civil war; and others that give women rights. The U.S Constitution could say no such thing at the time.** **(Intro)**

The United States in the 1800's gave equality to all men (except slaves) and had a House of Representatives along with a Senate. The Iroqouis Constitution includes both of these things as well as women's rights, peace, and importance & honor in death. To this day the United States does not forbid any type of war and very few people are truly honored in death. Perhaps in the future, the United States will have a Constitution with the same progressiveness and maturity as the Iroqouis Constitution. Perhaps for now, we are the savages. **(conclusion)**

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? Yes, my first paragraph is stating an interesting topic on the difference between two Constitutions. It has concrete material that stays concrete throughout the essay.

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? The reader feels no conract, my essay is basically stating that the U.S people are savages. The reader will have the opposite of a contract.

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

topic sentences: 1) In the early 1800's, the United States wanted to move West and to do so they would have to remove the "savages". **(intro)** 2) In the Iroqouis Constitution, the Council of Fire represented America's Houses of Congress: The House of Representatives and the Senate. **(Body paragraph 1)** 3) In each Constitution, it states that all men are created equal. **(Body Paragraph 2)** 4)The United States Constitution in the 1800's gave equality to all men (except slaves) and had a House of Reps. and a Senate. **(conclusion)**

Best: In each Constitution, it states that all men are created equal. In the Iroqouis Constitution, women get the same privilege. In America, women had to fight for centuries to receive their rights, some are still fighting.Women in the Iroqouis Constitution are held just as high as men if not higher. At this point the "savages" were making Americans appear stupid because women had few rights at the time. War was also practically forbidden by the Iroqouis Constitution. The "Tree of Peace" was the symbol of the Indian nation. America on the other hand has a fairly large amount of wars. People say that Washington's Neutrality Proclamation said the same thing as the iroqouis Constitution, how long did that last? Another minor difference between the Constitutions is the matter of death. Death was very important for the Indians but for Americans, a corpse has a funeral and a dozen mourners. When you think about it, the iroqouis Constitution and the Indian Nation practically seem better, and perhaps even more civilized.

Worst: In the Iroqouis Constitution, the Council of Fire represented America's Houses of Congress: The House of Representatives and the Senate. The place where the Council of Fire met closely resembled a courtroom. In each constitution it states that all men are created equal. Each man of either race has his rights from the minute that he is born. Basically, each Constitution has a Bill of Rights. Between the constitutions the differences overshadow the similarities.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? They are blunt but logical.

Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? There are weak transitions, it is too blunt to have good transitions. The reader however should see the point and argument of the essay. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? It is organized but the transitions are weak.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? If someone doubts my thesis, they will be persauded if they are open minded. My specific examples are the analysis of The Council of Fire and The Houses of Congress, along with women's rights. I right about George Washinton and actual events.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. My evidence is always strong, there is enough evidence to have a winable argument. I answer every possible wuestion, there is no loophole. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? There are no sites involved.

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Yes it does. The one that I named best paragraph and the same for the worst. Is every paragraph fully developed? Yes Which are and which aren’t? All of them are. What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? My best is The one titled best, and my worst is titled worst at the top of part C. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? It is, not very neat however. What are your most frequent errors? I misspell Constitution.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? It is an intersting essay for historians. Everyone else hates it. People will be bored, but it's not that bad.

How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? It is persausive but it needs more to be able to persuade people. It needs to have more facts than the basics.

analysis