P4+UKeenawinna

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Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

Thesis-
 * //Both of these unifying documents had many similiarities and differences, all of which add to the personality and aura of the documents.//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) -It does make a point, but it does not address all points in the essay. "Both of the Constitutions had many interesting aspects to it." Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) -Each paragraph has different points of view that portray a different part of the thesis statement. The essay goes further into the thesis. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) -The thesis statement makes a positive statement, when it says " all of which add to the personality and aura of the documents." Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? -The thesis does not give an argument, but instead states something that could later be argued. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) -No, the thesis statement has some words that do not follow in the same voice. There is both part and present tense. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) -The thesis statement does not answer the questions of "why?" and "how?". It is just a statement that has no basis for an argument. Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? -The thesis statement is clear, informative, and answer the prompt directly, but it is not precise, limited, controversial, or defensible.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Introduction: The Iroquois Constitution was the basis of life in the Five Nations. The U.S. Constitution is the foundation of American life. **//Both of these unifying documents had many similiarities and differences, all of which add to the personality and aura of the documents.//** Conclusion: Both of the Constitutions has many interesting aspects to it. Some are outdated, while others are still being fought. If both the Constitutions were put together, the document that will emerge is bound to be one of the better documents in history.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) -It is a bit interesting, because most people do not know that that Iroquois people had a constitution or even what the Five Nations is, so to learn more about it, they read on. It talks about how the constitutions were the basis of life. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. -The reader understands what the essay will be about. The essay is about the similiarities and differences between the two constitutions and how they affect the country. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) - The conclusion halfway satisfies the reader, because it talks about putting the two documents together and forming a better one; but it does not specify each thing that the constitutions affected.

C. Body Topic Sentences: -The Iroquois Constitution was remarkable in many ways. -The U.S. Constitution had many great aspects to it. -The similiarities in both documents is outstanding in many ways. -Though the documents are written in the same format, the Constitutions had different ideas. Best Paragraph: -Though the documents are written in the same format, the Constitutions had different ideas. Both the Constitutions made an emphasis on equality, but the Iroqouis Constitution believed in the equality of their people. The U.S. Constitution believed in equality of the government and was written based mainly on the sole purpose of the government and how it should be run. The U.S. Constitution was influenced by the Articles of Confederation and the Iroqouis Constitution, whereas the Iroqouis Constitution was influenced by the people in the nations, which made it much more personal based on the feeling of the nation. The Iroqouis Constitution also had many types of symbols in the Constitution, i.e. the Tree of Great Peace, the eagle, the clusters of five to represent the nations in the Constitution. One of the bad things about the Iroqouis Constitution is that it was set in stone as oppossed to the U.S. Constitution which is constantly changing. The U.S. Constitutionis still used, whereas the Iroqouis Constitution is not, when it is one of the good thing of the democracy. Worst Paragraph: -The similiarities in both documents is outstanding in many ways. Both documents may have written the Constitutions with different views, but both appear to be of the same nature. They both put emphasis on equality. The Constitutions state that equality in many ways is good. In both the Constitutions, women had rights, but only in the American Constitution was it given to them after the 15th and 19th amendment. In the Iroqouis Constitution, a woman was given priorities and respect from the beginning. Both the Constitutions had many ways to establish new territories/states to the countries and they established that under the entire Constitution. The Iroqouis Constitution has sections on government, death, war, elections, duties, symbolism and more. The U.S. Constitution is seperated under Articles, starting from Article 1 to Articles 7. That is where the similiarites end.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? -They do move in a logical order. There is really no point that the essay moves towards, instead it just states facts. The essay started out with a brief background on both constitutions and then went on to analyze the similiarites and differences between the two. The transtion that is the weakest is the transition between the differences and the conclusion. Where it is the strongest is the transition from similiarities to differences. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? -It would be persuasive to somebody who doubted my essay, but to further embed the essay I should have included at least a few examples. I could have included a story with the 15th and 19th amendment. The essay worked well with the examples of symbolism in the differences paragraph. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) -The evidence that was the strongest in the essay was the evidence with the symbols. I clearly stated the different symbols in the Iroqouis Constitution which helps people to see that symbolism is used alot. The weakest evidence was the evidence with the sections in the similiarities paragraph. I could have put in a few of the articles under the U.S. Constitution and some information under the sections in the Iroqouis Constitution. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) -It does not have a works cited page, because the information that is used is not enough to have a works-cited page. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? -The most coherent paragraph is the one with the differences. The only problem with that paragraph is that is redundant. The least coherent paragraph is the similiarites one because it seems like information that is just put together and is not organized clearly. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? -Every paragraph is fully developed.The dest developed paragraphs are the paragraphs with the background information of both constitutions. The least developed paragraph is the conclusion because it was written in a hurry to have a conclusion. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? -The essay does have some errors. The most frequent errors are the ones where the voice does not stay in a line. It moves from past to present in a sentence.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? -On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most interesting, this essay would receive a 4. It would be most interesting to people who are crazy about history about every country.It would be least interesting to people who get bored easily. There are certain parts in this essay where people would get confused. The essay tends to sometimes repeat itself but in different ways. It also tends to be hyposritical. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? -This essay would not be that great at persuading other members of the class, because it was not so great persuading the writer.