P3+RKnapp

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Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity. //**Machiavelli belives that the government should do what the people want. On the other hand Hobbes states that the government should do what is best for the people. Machialvelli clearly shows his understanding for what it takes to be a good leader.**//
 * 1) **Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay**?Yes it does because it cleary states my view on the subject.
 * 2) **Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement?** Yes the thesis statement reflects everything in the essay and the essay developes everything in the thesis statement.([|**TS 3**]**)**
 * 3) **Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one?** My thesis makes a positve and a negative statement. It is positive becasuse it suprots Machiavelli and is negative because it shows what Hobbes did wrong**([|TS 5])**
 * 4) **Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?** Yes my argument is just. I arguee that what Hobbes was doing was abnormaly harsh and cruel.
 * 5) **Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)** No my clause in my thesis is in the passive voice.
 * 6) **Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay.** Yes my thesis answers the questions of "why" and "how" because my thesis states the reasons why it is true.**([|TS 4])**
 * 7) **Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?** Yes my thesis is clear and precise but is too limited and should give more detail. Although my thesis is defensible.

Introduction:** After reading both Machiavelli and Hobbes work, the reader gets two very similar views of mankind but the authors have extreamly different suggestions of how it is managed. Machiavelli and Hobbel share the same understatings that all nations need a good or strong central government. However Machiavelli belives that the government should do what the people want. On the other hand Hobbes states that the government shoudl do whats best for the people. Machiavelli si clearly the the one who uderstands what it takes to be a great leader.
 * B. Introduction and conclusion.
 * Conclusion:** Maachiavelli and Hobbes Bothh share aimilar views of people but their ides on how they should be governed is drasticly different. They both belived that it was ok to lie to their people but Machiavelli belived it only to be nessecary when the people would not be affected by the decision. Machiavellie is cleary favored by the people which makes his views of governing superior to Hobbes
 * 1) **Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)** My first paragrah is some what interesting but does not give enough specific material that would draw in the reader.
 * 2) **Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.** Yes I do. I cleary show what side I take and stick to it throughout the entire essay.
 * 3) **Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)** Yes i conclude my essay well but could do a better job wraping it up.

Least worse:Machiavelli had very different views on the way a country should be run, but still has the same understanding as Hobbes that the central government should be strong.** Machiavellu belived theat the government should listen to what the people wanted to be done. Machiavelli belived strongly in this popular soveringty, and felt it was the key to having a government that the people could tolerate. He aslo belived it was ok for the government to lie to its people only if it. was for their good and would benifit the people in the long run. He also belived that religion hasd more power thatn the government so he thought it was important that the people were rulled over by religion
 * C. Body


 * 1) **Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?** Yes my paragraphs move in a logical derection but I could do a better job of answering the readers questions.
 * 2) **Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?** My essay is very unorganized. There is a point to my essay but it takes to long and dones not stay on topic. My transition is also weak betwent the two paragraphs.
 * 3) **Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?** No if some one had doubts at the thesis they would only be more confussed if they countinued reading. My entire essay is proof of how i do not stay on topic and have problems answering the topic. I did do a good job of introducing the sources
 * 4) **In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4])** No I do not answer the question how do you know. My quality of evidence is very weak throughout.
 * 5) **Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3)**
 * 6) **Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?**
 * 7) **Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?**
 * 8) **Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?** No, i have very bad spelling.


 * Overall:**
 * 1) **How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?**
 * 2) **How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?**