P3+LAtwood

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

//**Overall, both the Iroquois Constitution and the U.S. Constitution show two nations' views on how it should be led and controlled.**//

1. __Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay?__ (TS 2) The thesis statement expresses the main point to a brief extent without going into details. The thesis only gives the outline of the ideas.

2. __Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement?__ (TS 3) The thesis statement reflects everything that is in the essay in that it tells what it was about. However, the thesis statement doesn't reach every aspect of what the essay is about.

3. __Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one?__ (TS 5) The thesis statement is a positive one because it doesnt have negativity in it. The thesis statement is clear.

4. __Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?__ There is somewhat of an argument that is stated. The argument is stating what the main point of both the U.S. and Iroquois Constitutions are about. The argument stated is talked about in the essay.

5. __Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)__ The thesis statement is in active voice because it explains how the two constitutions show both nations' views. Subjects: Iroquois Constitution, U.S. Constitution, nations' views. Verbs: Show, led, controlled.

6. __Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay.__ (TS 4) The thesis statement doesn't state anwers to the "why" and "how" questions. The thesis statement merely tells what will be discussed in the essay.

7. __Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?__ The thesis statement is clear and to the point. The thesis statement is also limited in that it doesnt go into details as much. The thesis statement is defensible because it states a belief about what both of the constitutions are about.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

__Introduction:__ The Iroquois Constitution has many values and ideas that exist in the U.S. Constitution. There are also a few differences in the purpose for each as well. The Iroquois Constitution deals a lot with tradition, while the U.S. Constitution revolves around democracy and laws to build a country on.

__Conclusion:__
 * //Overall, both the Iroquois Constitution and the U.S. Constitution show two nations views on how it should be led and controlled.//** Their main purpose was to have a permanent document that stated their beliefs at the time it was written. Both the U.S. Constitution and the Iroquois Constitution are the blueprints of the Americans’ and Native Americans’ nations. Both were important for the founding and formation for how America is today.

1. __Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic?__ (2d) The first paragraph is interesting in that it states what will be talked albout in the essay without giving it away. The summarizing makes the essay seem intriguing.

2. __Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.__ Yes, there is a contract with the reader. The contract is what will be discussed in the essay that the first paragraph leads to. "The Iroquois Constitution has many values and ideas that exist in the U.S. Constitution. "There are also a few differences in the purpose for each as well". This shows the basis of ideas without giving what will be talked about. That is the contract.

3. __Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)__ Yes, the conclusion satisfies the contract with the reader. "Their main purpose was to have a permanent document that stated their beliefs at the time it was written. Both the U.S. Constitution and the Iroquois Constitution are the blueprints of the Americans’ and Native Americans’ nations". The conclusion completes what was mentioned in the introduction paragraph.

C. Body

Topic sentence 1: The Iroquois Constitution has many values and ideas that exist in the U.S. Constitution. Topic sentence 2: The Iroquois Constitution has many ideas relating to tradition. Topic sentence 3: There are a few similarities in structure for both the Iroquois Constitution and the U.S. Constitution. Topic sentence 4: Overall, both the Iroquois Constitution and the U.S. Constitution show two nations views on how it should be led and controlled.

__Best paragraph:__ There are a few similarities in structure for both the Iroquois Constitution and the U.S. Constitution. Both of their governments had a type of representatives for their people. The Iroquois Constitution shows that there was a Confederate Council to represent each of the different Native American tribes. The U.S. Constitution shows that there is a House of Representatives that represent people from the different states. Both the Confederate Council and the House of Representatives resolve issues by voting. They also have checks and balances to insure that they do not have too much power.

__Worst paragraph:__ The Iroquois Constitution has many ideas relating to tradition. The Native Americans were concerned with their values being lost, so they made the Iroquois Constitution. Listed in the Iroquois Constitution are several ways in which rituals and ceremonies should be performed. The U.S. Constitution has several laws and outlines of laws that the American people should follow. Tradition isn’t mentioned in the U.S. Constitution because the government wasn’t concerned with carrying on tradition, they were concerned with people who went against traditional laws. The people who wrote the U.S. Constitution wanted to “insure domestic tranquility” for all (U.S. Constitution). This shows that the U.S. Constitution was written for people to use as guidelines that weren’t meant to be broken.

1. __Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason?__ The paragraphs complete the statement that was brought up in the introduction paragraph. The paragraphs are organized in the similarities and unsimilarities format.

2. __Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?__ There is a flow to the paragraphs so that it doesn't jump around. The paragraphs are organized in the similarities and unsimilarities format. The strongest transition is between the introduction and the first body paragraph. The weakest transition is between the first and second body paragraph.

3. __Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?__ The essay would be persuasive to someone who doubts the thesis statement. Evidence submitted is the similarities and differences between both constitutions. There is also a quotation from the U.S. Constitution to help justify a few points that were made. The essay is written indirectly about the people who wrote the U.S. Constitution and the Iroquois Constitution.

4. __In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)__ No, often times points are just made without explanation. However, there are a few times in the essay where explanations are made on the "How do you know" basis. The evidence was strongest when explaining the U.S. Constitution, but it was the weekest in explaining the Iroquois Constitution.

5. __Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)__ The evidence is explained clearly. However, the evidence isn't cited correctly.

6. __Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?__ The first body paragraph leads to the central point that was brought in the topic sentence. The second body paragraph goes more away from the main point brought up in the topis sentence.

7. __Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?__ Most of the paragraphs are fully developed. The second body paragraph could use a little work with organization. The first body paragraph is best developed because it completes what the topic sentence lacks.

8. __Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?__ The essay is clearly written and relatively free of errors. The most frequent errors is word usage.

Overall:

1. __How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?__ The essay is interesting to a point. It would be more interesting to people who didn't know about the U.S. and Iroquois Constitutions. People who are learning about the U.S. Constitution might be more interested than others. It might make people bored if they don't find the information interesting.

2. __How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?__ The essay would be effective in persuading others that the thesis statement is correct. There is evidence and information given that helps to support the thesis statement.