P4+JPerez

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //However the United States Constitution seems to get most of its ideas from the not as well known Ioquios Constitution.//**

1.Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2]) --N/A

2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) --The thesis reflects everything in the essay and later develops it by comparing and contrasting aspects of both constitutions.

3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) --it is a negative statement because it implies a lack of thinking on the behalf of writers of the U.S. constitution.

4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? --The thesis is isn't really worth arguing; the arguement is how the how similar the Constitutions are.

5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) --Yes the clauses are in active voice. subject: United States Constitution, Iroqouis Constitution verbs:get, known

6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) --No the thesis does not elaborate on any forms of why and how.

7. Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? --The thesis statement could be clearer, not to precise and limited but in a debilitating form. It may or may not be contraversial depending on the readers point of view, but it is defensible.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

//**The Constitution of the United States was one of the most influential documents in history, because after its drafting many countries modeled their constitutions after it.**// Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) --No its not very interesting, however it it may catch the readers attention. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) --N/A

C. Body

Topic Sentences: Both Constitutions share a common interest in the need to do away with monarchy or a certain group holding all the power. Another thing that seems evident is the is the desire to uphold the rule of law. In the Iroquois nations women play a more active role in society and some instances in government.//**
 * //The Iroquios Constitution gives every individual a sense of importance.

Worst Paragraph:
 * //Another thing that seems evident is the is the desire to uphold the rule of law. In both nations the idea that nobody is above the law whether they lord, president, or senator. The idea of impeachement is also present in both constitutions.//**

Best Paragraph: N/A

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? --the essay does not move in a logical direction. Between the last and second to last paragraphs there is no transition. This essay is poorly organized. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? --The essay might bepersuasive to a person who doubts the thesis, but the lack of interesting materiel within the body paragraphs might turn the reader off from the essay. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) --The question "how do you know" isn't answered very well because the essay is not complete. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) --no information is cited correctly Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? -- From paragraph to paragraph it differs whether it leads to or from the central point.

(2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? --The most coherent paragraph is the second while the least coherent was the third. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? --Not every paragraph is fully developed. The third and forth paragraph and developed very much while the fifth is the most. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? -- The essay is relativle well written and has few syntax errors. the most frequent errors are missing words.

Overall: How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? --this essay is isn't very interesting. People who might be interested are people who are learning about history of the U.S. I think readers would most bored throughout the whole thing How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? --This essay isn't very effective. i don't think many people in my class would be persuaded by this.