P4+NMarin

A. Thesis statement and essay unity. (Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * //The creation of the United States Constitution and Iroquoies Constituion primary goals were to keep thier society in tact. Keeping an outbreack of chaos from occuring will only be attained only if society can fallow guildlines of what is right and wrong.//**
 * 1) **Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay?** Yes, the thesis reflects back on arguments throughout the essay.
 * 2) **Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement?** Yes, the thesis does reflect back on various points brought in the essay. However, the essay does develope every point in the thesis statement just not every.
 * 3) **Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one?** The thesis statment convays a positive statement rather than a negative one.
 * 4) **Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?** The thesis written does contain an argument which is worth arguing. The argument reflects on how
 * 5) **Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (**[|**TS 6**]**) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)** Subjects U.S. Constitutiton, Iroquoise Constitution Verbs: tact, preservation
 * 6) **Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (**[|**TS 4**]**)** Yes, the thesis explains how the contitutions have had an impact in society. And what is necessary to attain goals as a whole society.
 * 7) **Is your thesis statement clear** [|**(TS 7)**]**, precise and limited (**[|**TS 8**]**), controversial or informative (**[|**TS 9**]**), and defensible (**[|**TS 10**]**)?** Though it may seem to be limited, the thesis is clear. It was suppotrted throughouty the essay by resources found in documents.


 * B. Introduction and conclusion.**

In order to maintain a civilized society, ones moral knowledge must become constitutionalized. **//Keeping an outbreack of chaos from occuring will only be reached if society fallows guildelines of what is right and wrong. What man can and can not do. The primary goals for the creation of the United States Constitution was to keep the society in tact.//** Though both constitutions are similar to a degree, the two contitutions differ.


 * (Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)**
 * 1) **Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)** Yes, the introductory paragraph contains statments which will grasp the readers attention and give them the desire to continue reading it.
 * 2) **Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.** Yes, the conrtact seems to be clearly stated. What are the limitations of society. How is the individuals moral knowledge affecting those around him.
 * 3) **Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)** It satisfies the readers to a certain degree. If I had added a bit more, it would have been definitly satisfying.

Topic Sentence 1: As the U.S. Constituion was first written, its focus was that of equality among all men. Topic sentence 2:The Iroquoies Constitution did not focus on society as mush as the U.S. Constitution did.
 * C. Body**

__Best__: As the U.S. Constitution was first written, its focuse was that of equality among all men. By utitlizing the Checks and Balacnce meathod, power was dipursed among a variety of officials in which the citizens call for. "The president, vice president and all civil officials shall adbicate from office after their term.(U.S. constitution)" This law allowed for officials to be replaced ever so often. Once an officials term is over, citizens have the right to elect a new official for replacement. In contrast, the tribal meathods of electing a new cheif was different.

__Worst__: The Iroquoies Constitution did not focus on society as much as the U.S. constituion did. The sole purpose of their constitutiton was for preservation under the tribes. Tribes however, did not go about changing the officials after their term was over. "If a lord of a confederacy should become seriously ill and be thought near death, the women who heirs of his title dh\shall go to his house and lift the crown of the deers antelers...(Iroquoise constitution)" This implies how the tribes meathods were traditional as opposed to modern meathods.


 * (Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)**
 * 1) **Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction?** **Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point?** **Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?** Yes, I believe they make sence and what im trying to prove. Yes the reader finds out how the constitutions differ. It doesnt really jump around much, but sticks to was is trying to be provern.
 * 2) **Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?** It conatins the thesis in the introductory paragraph. The first and second body paragraphs support the argument. Sources are then cited for poof of support. The strogest whould probably be in the transition between the first and second body paragraphs.
 * 3) **Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (**[|**DIH 2.4**]**) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?** //This essay would most definitly be pursuasive to someone who doubts the thesis.// It holds support which defends the argument."If a lord of a confederacy should become seriously ill and be thought near death, the women who heirs of his title dh\shall go to his house and lift the crown of the deers antelers..."
 * 4) **In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (**[|**DIH 2.4**]**)** Im not sure if the answer was really answered. It seems to be strong in the first body paragraph. The weakest would be towards the end of the second body paragraph.
 * 5) **Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (**[|**DIH 2.4**]**, 31a 1 and 3) Yes,t**he evidence to support my thesis was properly cited.
 * 6) **Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?** Most senetces in the essay do lead to central point. My most coherent paragraph would be the second body paragraph. Least would be the first body paragraph.
 * 7) **Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?** My paragraphs could have been further delveloped, but i fell short on time. Intro seemed pretty full developed. Second body paragraph could have used a bit more imformation.
 * 8) **Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? This essay is free of errors. Though, it seems somewhat sloppy.**


 * Overall:**
 * 1) **How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?** My essay is interesting, a person who is political would enjoy reading it. People who care less about our history as a nation would not enjoy reading it. Most interesting would be how both constitutions differ drastically yet our Constitution was written after the Iroquoise. The readers wont be bored at any time in my work.
 * 2) **How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?** My essay seems logical in various aspects and would most definitly persuade other to believe my thesis statement. Concrete evidence which used to defend the thesis and make the reader believe.