P3+MRomano

Welcome!

Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity. (Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)

//**While there are many obvious differences between the American and Iroquois Constitutions, a number of comparisons can be made such as structural similarities and like customs. One difference in the two constitutions is the way certain situations are handled.**//

1. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) 2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) 3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) 4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? 5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) 6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) 7. Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?
 * My thesis statement does express the main points that I make in my essay because the thesis outlines the similarities and differences while the body paragraphs analyze these comparisons and contrasts.**
 * The thesis really does not fully reflect the elements of my essay because it is a generalized thesis with few specifics. The body paragraphs do a fine job of going beyond the thesis statement and into more detail than the thesis allows.**
 * My thesis makes a positive statement because it is merely discussing how two things are alike and different.**
 * No, my thesis is actually not worth arguing because it is just talking about two things and how they are relatable instead of something controversial or interesting.**
 * The clauses contained in my thesis are in the active voice. They include “American” “Iroquois Constitution” “comparisons” “similarities” “customs” “situations.”**
 * My thesis does indeed answer the question of “how?”, but does not answer the “why?” question. “...//a number of comparisons can be made such as structural similarities and like customs.”//**
 * The thesis statement is clear because it does not use advanced vocabulary and is also pretty general and plain. It is precise and limited, but not controversial or informative by any means. My thesis is defensible because of the information it provides.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)


 * Introduction: In present American society, citizens are guaranteed many rights granted by the government. The U.S. Constitution, written in the 1700’s, ensures Americans the rights to “the Blessings of Liberty.” (The Constitution) It also gives rights such as freedom of speech, press, and religion, which are separated into amendments. Well before the U.S. Constitution was drafted and passed, a great Indian nation known as the Iroquois Confederacy wrote their own Constitution. //While there are many obvious differences between the American and Iroquois Constitutions, a number of comparisons can be made such as structural similarities and like customs. One difference in the two constitutions is the way certain situations are handled.//

Conclusion: In conclusion, the similarities and differences between the Iroquois and U.S. constitutions are clear and evident. These factors make each constitution unique.**

1. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) 2. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. 3. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)
 * No, my first body paragraph is neither interesting nor is it likely to hook the reader and make him/her continue reading. It is weak, short in length, and contains little evidence for support.**
 * There is no contract made with the reader and my essay. It does not promise to virtually enlighten the reader about the subject and it just states facts.**
 * My essay did not have a contract to start with and even if it did, my conclusion is still very short, mild, and uninspiring.**

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

Topic Sentence #2: “The second comparable similarity between the two constitutions is that they both have like ideas on a number of topics.” Topic Sentence #3: “One main difference between the Iroquois Constitution and the American Constitution is that the Iroquois Nation gave many responsibilities and rights to women.”
 * Topic Sentence #1: “The first similarity in the American and Iroquois Constitutions is the structure of each constitution.”

Best Paragraph: One main difference between the Iroquois Consitution and the American Constitution is that the Iroquois Nation gave many responsibilities and rights to women. Unfortunately, women were not given the right to vote in America until the year 1920. While discussing the Confederate Council, the Iroquois Constitution states that in the event of an absence of a Confederate Lord, “…the women holding the title shall immediately select another candidate for the title.” (Iroquois Constitution) This shows that women were allowed to hold powerful positions in society, unlike American society, where women generally had few government positions, which was undemocratic. This difference in each democracy showed that women were placed in higher value in the Iroquois Confederacy.

Worst Paragraph: The first similarity in the American and Iroquois Constitutions is the structure of each constitution. In the Iroquois Constitution, each section is numbered and sections are grouped together under appropriate headings. The U.S. Constitution is also numbered. The system of numbering definitely keeps each constitution’s thoughts organized and it makes it easier to find specific topics. The structure of the U.S. Constitution was probably derived from the Iroquois Constitution, and this similarity helps the reader get a more clear picture of what is being discussed in each constitution.**

1. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? 2. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? 3. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? 4. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) 5. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) 6. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? 7. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? 8. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
 * My essay does not really move in a logical direction and the information jumps around a lot. The information in the body paragraphs do not flow together, and have little in common with each other.**
 * The organization was poor as well with rough transitions. My best transition states, “Each constitution grants the right of declaring war to government officials, which shows that there needs to be people of high responsibility in these positions.”** **The worst transition was the one that said, “The structure of the U.S. Constitution was probably derived from the Iroquois Constitution, and this similarity helps the reader get a more clear picture of what is being discussed in each constitution.”**
 * My essay would be semi-persuasive to someone doubtful of my thesis. This is because all of the facts and evidence provided are true, but not necessarily compelling. The only time that I write about actual people is when I talk about the women’s rights in the two societies. The essay would definitely be more interesting if a story or real-life specific example was provided. The sources could also be more clear and lines could be drawn between ideas.**
 * I feel that my essay fails to answer the “How do you know?” question because of the lack of support and explanation. My evidence was strongest when I wrote about the women’s rights and weakest when I wrote about the structure of the two constitutions.**
 * The evidence was cited correctly in such a way that I named the titles of the works I used, but I did not have time to put them into MLA format in the time given.**
 * Yes, I believe that the evidence and examples of the body paragraphs show the main points from the topic sentences because the evidence goes back to the main point. The most coherent paragraph discussed the women’s roles in society and my worst paragraph talked about constitutional structure.**
 * My paragraphs are developed to a moderate extent. My paragraphs are actually in order from least-developed to most developed, with the least-developed being the first body paragraph. The paragraph discussing war is semi-developed.**
 * Yes, like most all of my essays, this essay is relatively free of grammatical and spelling errors. My most obvious error is that I put “more clear” instead of “clearer”.**

Overall:

1. How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? 2. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be at persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
 * My essay really isn’t that interesting, and if it did appeal to someone, that person would most likely be a person who is into politics and/or law. It would be least interesting to people who hate reading crumby essays. The part that might be slightly confusing is when I talk about how the constitutions are organized and broken up into sections. That part is semi-unclear.**
 * This essay is partially effective in proving its point. This idea persists because I provide satisfactory examples, but fail to move into great detail to support my examples.  It might be successful in persuading a few people, but some may be hungry for more/greater detail.**