P3+NPlascencia


 * A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

//Though each author's view of mankind is similar, their suggestions for it's managment differ. Hobbe's ideas more closley relate to contemporary society; his ideas are also more practical compared to Machiavelli's ideas.//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) - Yes, I believe that my ending thesis statement expresses the main point that I make in the essay. -** Yes, the thesis statement refelects everything in the essay. I belive that my essay developes everything and then also expands upon my thesis statement. - I honestly dont know if my thesis is a positive or negative statement. - Yes, I believe that my thesis holds an argument that is actually worth arguing. That argument is, "Hobbe's ideas more closely relate to contemporary society; his ideas are also more pratical compared to Machiavelli's ideas." - Yes, every clause in the thesis statement is in the active voice. subj.=view verb= is subj.=suggestions verb=differ subj.=ideas verb=relate subj.=ideas verb=are - No, my thesis statement does not answer the questions why and how. I do believe that it does state that it is true, just it doesn't have reasons to support that posistion. - I believe that my thesis statement is clear, precise and limited, informative, and it is defensible.
 * Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)
 * Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)**
 * Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?**
 * Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)**
 * Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)**
 * Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?**


 * B. Introduction and conclusion.**

__**INTRODUCTION**__ Nicclo Machiavelli and Thomas Hobbes each show us closely related views of mankind. Though each author's view of mankind is similar, their suggestions for it's managment differ. Hobbe's ideas more closley relate to contemporary society; his ideas are also more practical compared to Machiavelli's ideas.

__**CONCLUSION**__ In conclusion, Hobbes believes that humans naturally evil nature causes disorder, enimies to be made, and fights to arrise. Hobbe's ideas are more practical than those of Machiavelli's.

- I think that my first paragraph is very interesting. It includes concrete and specific material that greatly supports my argument and attracts the reader's attention. -** I beleive that I do not make a clear contract with the reader. I cannot summarize it because I simply do not have one. - Again, I cannot answer this question because I do not have a contract.
 * Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)**
 * Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.
 * Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)**


 * C. Body

__Topic Sentance 1:__** Hobbes believes that the human population is inheritantly evil.
 * __Topic Sentance 2:__** Hobbes believes that humans have a natural urge for more power.
 * __Topic Sentance 3:__** Machiavelli and Hobbes both agree on the idea that a ruler must be feared by his people in order to be successful.

Hobbes believes that the human population is inheritantly evil. This idea acts as a base for all of his other ideas. Because Hobbes believes that humans are evil, they will not be able to survive without a common power. This can be seen in the book, //The Lord of the Flies//, how the boys on the island were living savage lifestyles due to the lack of a common power. This book parallels Hobbes' idea that all humans are inheritantly evil. ALso, according to Hobbes, "...the condition of man... is a condition of war of everyone against everyone." Hobbes backs up his idea of war that humans will go to war for three basic causes: competition, distrust, and glory. Machiavelli's ideas for war differ than Hobbes' because Machiavelli believes that humans go to war over greed. Although their ideas are similar in thought, Machiavelli simply believes humans are greedy wheras Hobbes believes humans are evil, and that's why they fight.
 * __BEST PARAGRAPH:__**

Hobbes believes that humans have a natural urge for more power. Due to this nature, if, "two men desire the same thing, which nevertheless they cannot both enjoy, they become enimies; and in hte way to their end... endevour to destroy eachother." This desctuctive and selfish nature ties back into Hobbes' idea that humans are inferitantly evil and want more power. Machiavelli touches on this idea by stating that ll oponents of a Prince must be eliminated, because, according to Hobbes two men that can't have the same thing will become enimies.
 * __WORST PARAGRAPH:__**

-** I think that the paragraphs in my essay do move in a logical direction. I do think that the reader gets the experience of getting the point of my essay. Overall, I believe that the organization of my essay is satisfactory. Looking back on my essay I realize that I do not have any good transitions between my paragraphs. I think that my weakest transition would have to be between: "Machiavelli touches on this idea by stating that ll oponents of a Prince must be eliminated, because, according to Hobbes two men that can't have the same thing will become enimies," and, "Machiavelli and Hobbes both agree on the idea that a ruler must be feared by his people in order to be successful." -** Yes, my essay would be persuasive to someone who doubts my thesis statement. An example of support of my thesis would be, "Hobbes backs up his idea of war that humans will go to war for three basic causes: competition, distrust, and glory." No, I do not write about actual people in my essay. I could make my essay more interesting by infusing it with modern figures and leaders in my second and third body paragraphs. While reading my essay, I noticed alot of places that I could have place a story, or example. I did do it in some places, like when I alluded to //The Lord of the Flies// in the first paragraph as well as when I alluded to the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. -** I think that I do answer the "How do you know?" question of //almost// every claim in my essay, but I could definately be more precise about it. Overall, I have infused good evidence into my essay, but I really could have made my explanations more precise. My strongest evidence is in my first body paragraph when I parallel the book, //The Lord of the Flies,// to Hobbes' ideas. I think that my weakest evidence is in my third body paragraphy when I said, "It may be possible to make them believe by force." -** My evidence is introduced correctly, but it could have been much clearer. -** Yes, almost each sentace leads to or from the central point. I believe that my most coherant paragraph was my first body paragraph and my least was my third body paragraph. -** No, every paragraph is not fully developed, each could be infused with much more detail and support. Again, I would say that my first body paragraph is my most developed and my least was my third body paragraph. -** This essay is not as clearly written as it could be and as far as I can tell is free of spelling and grammar errors. The one error that I was not sure about was wheter or not to place another 's' after the word Hobbes'.
 * Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?
 * In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)
 * Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)
 * Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?


 * Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? -** This essay was somewhat interesting. I think that it would be most interesting to readers that are willing to understand that essays written in a rushed period will not be written to the best of the writer's capabilites. It would be less interesting to readers that are perfrectionists. -** The first half is the most interesting with the second half following behind. I do believe that readers will get a little confused and they might have to read a sentance or two a few times to fully comprehend what I was trying to convey. -** On a scale of 1 to 5, I would say this essay is a 3-4 becuse it was satisfactory, it just could have been better. I think the same number apply to how successful it would be to make others in my class believe my thesis statement.
 * What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?
 * How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?