P3+CRuehman

Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) -**The thesis reflects a positive statement.** Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? -**My thesis does pose an arguement worth arguing. The arguement is that Hobbes views are practical and apply to many people.** Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) -**My thesis statement answers both questions, but it could be more thorough.** Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? My thesis is clear, but is limited not very mnformative, and overall mediocre. B. Introduction and conclusion. INTRO- CONCLUSION- Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) C. Body Topic sentence #1: **Machiavelli and Hobbes both focused on political theory, but Hobbes is more relateable in society today because his ideas are much more applicable.** Topic sentence #2: **Machiavelli's arguement that "a ruler may use dishonesty with his people if it benefits them" may be seen as a counterarguement.** Topic sentence #3: **Both thinkers were also strong believers in the power of fear.** Topic sentence #4: **Hobbes also makes applicable arguements concerning order and religion.**
 * //In all I support Hobbes practical views of society, because they apply to many people instead of a select few.//**
 * -The thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay does express the points I make throughout the body paragraphs.**
 * -The thesis statement does not reflect everyething in this essay, however it does reflect most of what I cover. Yes, the essay does develop everything in my thesis.**
 * -Yes, because I use my personal oppinion on the arguement and because I use present tense.**
 * -Although Thomas Hobbes and Nicolo Machiavelli both had a similar view of mankind their opinions on how it should be organized were very different. Both spoke of the power of fear, importance of virtue and the nature of society, however Hobbes concentrated on the majority of subjects in society while Machiavelli was more consumed by the actions of the ruler. //In all, I support Hobbes practical views of society, because they apply to many people instead of a select few.//**
 * To conclude, //Hobbes practical views are much more applicable in society today, because they apply to everyone rather than a select few.// Both Machiavelli and Hobbes spoke of fear, virtue, and human nature. Hobbes was more consumed by the practical "applying to everyone" aspects, while Machiavelli was more interested in the actions of a "prince."**
 * My first paragraph does supply concrete and specific material, but it would have been better if I had supplied a catchy hook.**
 * I believe my contract with the reader is to supply them with sufficient information reflecting my arguement, of why Hobbes views are more practical in contemporary society.**
 * Yes, because I summarize what I went over in the body paragraphs, and my body paragraphs reflected my thesis.**

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) I think my strongest contemporary evidence can be found in paragraph 3 regarding the current Iraqi war, "George W. Bush told Americans six years ago that we needed to go to war with Iraq because they were the culprits of terrorism and needed to be stopped. Yet six years later we are still stuck in the Middle East angry and disillusioned by one mans dishonesy or perhaps mistake."** Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) Nope. : ) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? **Yes, each sentance does lead to the central point, even if the organization is poor. My most coherent paragh would have to be my 2nd paragraph that applies to political theory. My least coherent is my conclusion, its basically the same as my introduction only condensed.** Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? Overall: How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
 * -The flow of my body paragraphs is very choppy and the organization of them is poor. However I do get somewhere, by making it very clear I side with Hobbe's point of view.**
 * -I would summarize my overall oraganization as mediocre. My topic sentences could have provided better structure for me. I have rough transitions as well. I go from referencing president Bush (see paragraph 3) to reflecting upon the power of fear in the minds of the two thinkers (see paragraph 4).**
 * -I think my essay may be persuassive to a tough reader, because I support my arguements with good evidence. I do refer to slaves, George Bush, advocacy groups, and sexual predators. I could make the story more interesting if I bring in a specific example for "power of fear.****" Maybe something reflecting upon terrorism. I think I could have been much more specific when referring to slavery in paragrapg 3, "Our nation was faced with a great ordeal, of whether African slaves should be given equal rights. It was eventually granted to them, because our society finally realized that equality aplies to all people." In this part I could have added a nice quote by Frederic Douglas or Abe Lincoln to make the reading more interesting.**
 * -My weakest evidence can be found in my 5th paragraph, "People are less likely to commit a crime when they are aware of what their punishment would be....To Catch a Predator has significantly influenced the amount of online attacks, because predators are more weary now of being caught in a sting." This evidence reflects really poorly on the rest of my essay, because I basically pulled it out of my ass, and its more of a 'filler.' I honestly have little idea as to whether the reprecautions on the dateline show have significantly changed the amount of sexual attacks, I just made an educated assumption.
 * All of my paragraphs could have been developed to a further extent. My best devoloped is paragraph two, my worst is paragraph 4. For the most part the essay is clear, but their are a few spelling and gramatical errors. My most frequent error is writing too sloppy making the words a little harder to read.**
 * This material is pretty boring, but I suppose its exceptional for a highschool paper, however I would'nt recomend it to anyone. Readers who are interested in poltical or social studies might find this informaton interesting. This might be less interesting for young readers. I think my beginning and ending are the most interesting and the middle even though I use the active voice may be a little more boring because of the content. I think my writing is pretty clear so it should'nt confuse anyone. I think this essay would sway my class mates to believe and relate to my thesis because its straight forward and the evidence agrees with points made.**