P3+DONeil

Welcome!

Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)
 * //After reading both texts, I strongly feel that Machiavelli's view on humankind and how it should be managed is far superior than Hobbes' due to his ideas on how a ruler should relate to his people.//**

Yes, my main point is expressed because I clearly state what I am arguing and explain why my reasoning is correct.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)

Yes, my thesis statement reflects everything in my essay. Since my essay is all about how rulers get along with their people, my thesis statement reveals what I am going to be writing about, but not too much.

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)

positive. It states why Machiavelli's Position is better.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?

yes, my argument is worth arguing. My argument is that Machiavelli's view of mankind is better than Hobbes'.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)

Yes, every clause is in the active voice. Examples: Machiavelli's view(sub)-is far superior(verbs) I(subject)- Strongly(verbs)

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)

Yes, my thesis statement answers the questions why and how. It states why I feel Machiavelli is superior and how his views are superior.

Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?

Yes, my thesis is all of the previously listed as well as controversial. It is extremely clear and limited becuase I get down to the point and do not dabble with information that is not important. Also, my point is controversial becuase I take a firm, solid stand that might upset those that side with Hobbes. Also, due to a plethra of examles, I feel that my thesis is defensible.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)

Introduction

A main issue of political science in today's world is of mankind and how it should be managed. In //The Prince//, by Nicolo Machiavelli and //Leviathan,// by Thomas Hobbes, one gets a similar view of mankind, but with radically different suggestions for its management. **//After reading both texts, I strongly feel that Machiavelli's view on humankind and how it should be managed is far superior than Hobbes' due to his ideas on how a ruler should relate to his people.//**

Conclusion


 * //Again, because of his beliefs on how rulers should relate to their subjects, Machiavelli's view on humankind and how it should be managed is far superior than that of Hobbes//**. Over the course of history, it has been proven that people who try to be loved and avoid being hated ultimately end up being more successful rulers. Whether its in the classroom, boardroom, or Whitehouse, leaders will coexist better with their followers if love is in the air and hatred is not there.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)

Yes, my first paragraph is interesting. By providing big words like political science and having a unique sentence structure I was able to catch the reader's attention.

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.

Yes, I make a clear contract. I believe my contract is to explain to them why Machiavelli's views are superior than Hobbes' if they take time out of their own lives to read what I have written.

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)

My conclusion may satisfy certain readers, but others may think that I am going off on a random tangent.

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

Topic Sentences 1) In Machiavelli's //The Prince//, the main issue is the need for stability in a prince's domain. 2) On the other hand, //Leviathan//, by Thomas Hobbes, shows radically different views on mankind and how it should be managed.

Worst Paragraph In Machiavelli's //The Prince//, the main issue is the need for stability in a prince's domain. Machiavelli feels that the greatest moral good is a virtuous and stable state, and a leader's actions, no matter how cruel, are justified by protecting the state. However, when talking about suggestions for managing mankind, Machiavelli feels it is important to have a leader who is both loved and feared. Machiavelli states that, "It is best to be both feared and loved; however, if one cannot be both it is better to be feared than loved."(//The Prince)// In his "guide" Machiavelli feels that society must be governed by someone who must "endeavor to avoid hatred" but also "establish himself on that which is his own control and not in that of others,"(//The Prince)// When people are governed by one who is not hated, a country or kingdom is not as likely to erupt in civil war. An example of someone in contemporary who is feared and loved is Cuba's dictator, Fidel Castro. Fifty or so years ago when Castro led Cuba to a revolution, he was exalted and loved; even given the "throne" of Cuba. However, by sternly asserting his power over communist Cuba, he quickly became a leader who was both loved and feared. Even though many natives show hatred when talking about Castro, the fact remains that he tries to avoid hatred, and is the kind of leader that Machiavelli is referring to in //The Prince.//

Best Paragraph On the other hand, //Leviathan//, by Thomas Hobbes, shows radically different views on mankind and how it should be managed. Hobbes feels that due to humankind's harsh nature, people as a whole should be governed by a government that will be able to suppress and control them. Due to humans' inate tendency to "destroy or subdue one another"(//Leviathan)// Hobbes feels that government should govern with an iron fist, doing whatever it takes to supress the evilness of human nature. Hobbes believes if a government can put the "fear of death"(//Leviathan)// into its people, civil war will not break out. A modern day example of a ruler who puts fear into his people in order to maintain control is Saddam Hussein. In his many years as Iraq's dictator, Hussein ruled with an iron fist by subdoing local religious fanatics, and doind other unspeakable acts in order to maintain control over his country. By torturing women and children and making over 399 illegal arrests, Hussein managed to subdue tho innate evil human characteristics in his country, even though he was hated by most. In the end, Hussein's abussive way of ruling proved to be his demise when he was captured by U.S. forces and hanged for crimes against humanity. Even though controlling his people worked for him for a little while, his people ultimately rose up, and with the help of outside forces, had him killed.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?

My paragraphs of my essay move in a logical direction because in my body, my argument is first presented, then followed by my counter argument. Also, since I move in a logical direction, the reader moves towards a point and gets some where. Overall, the organization of my essay is decent, although sometimes my main points show up too early in my body and I don't take the time to develop them enough. Transitions between my paragraphs are generally weak becase they tend to end abruptly instead of leading in to the next topic. However, my transitions are strong because they are strong a powerful. For Example, "Even though controlling his people worked for him for a little while, his people ultimately rose up, and with the help of outside forces, had him killed." is strong because cool words like "killed" are used.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4)

Yes, my essay would be persuasive because by saying, "due to his ideas on how a ruler should relate to his people" I try to persuade people.

In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?

Clear vivid cases that illustrate my points are reffering to outside examples such as Hussien and Castro. I don't feel that a story would be appropriate for the kind of essay that I have written. Alll sources are cited clearly.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)

Yes, by reffering to Machiavelli, Hobbes, and other outside modern examples to support my claims I feel a doubting reader would be satisfied. When talking about evidence I use in my essay, I feel my claims are strongest when talking about my modern examples, but somewhat drop off when I begin reffering to the text.

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)

Yes. my evidence is absolutely correct. An example of evidence cited and inserted correctly would be if .""Hobbes believes if a government can put the "fear of death"(//Leviathan)// into its people, civil war will not break out. ""

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?

Yes, each sentence leads to a central point. Everything is reffered back to my main thesis. My most coherent paragraph would be my counter paragraph where my least would be my paragraph supporting my claim.

Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

Every paragraph is fully developed. My best developed paragraph is my counter and my worst is my support. My most frequent error is spelling.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?

This essay is extremely interesting. Readers who don't agree with me would be most interested. The most interesting parts are talking about modern day examples. and the least interesting examples are when I talk about the text. The reader will never be confused.

How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?

This is an effective essay. It addresses main points. My essay is persuasive because it argues a point with intense fervor.