P3+TAndrews

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Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity. //**I agree with Machivelli's beliefes that government should be strong but let man make his own decisions. Machiavelli says a government should be strong but at the same time, make the people have a sense of fear and man is naturally evil. In terms of government Hobbes believes man would rather fight over something than logically figure it out. Hobbes says that man would rather fight over soemthing than logically figure it out. Hobbes is ultimatly wrong because of the present day examples such as the judical system. These two men have very strong opinions and good resources to define their opinion but ultimately I agree with Niccolo Machiavelli.**//

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)
 * Yes, the thesis essay expresses the main point of the essay.**

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)
 * The thesis statementdoes reflect everything in the essay and the essay does reflect the thesis statment.**

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)
 * It makes the postive point that I agree with both writers.**

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
 * I think that it posits a good argument because it is a touchy subject and government is always an argued subect. I think the topic of government for this essay is a good one.**

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) "A //large group// that //are// leaders who //make// desicions and //keep// the country alive and going." Large Group- are, make, keep "//Machivelli// also //says// that..." Machivelli- says**
 * Every clause is in the right and present tense.

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?
 * My thesis gives a brief overview of the argument and the main points that are discussed in my essay.**
 * My thesis is precise and to the point, it is not contervesal because there is a little evidence that is expanded in the essay and it is informative without being to long or giving to much information for a thesis.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Introduction
 * The disput that has always been present in society is whether man is naturally good or evil. In the case of government officals and their nature, Thomas Hobbes and Niccolo Machiavelli have made their opinion very defined and have expressed it well.** **//I agree with Machivelli's beliefes that government should be strong but let man make his own decisions. Machiavelli says a government should be strong but at the same time, make the people have a sense of fear and man is naturally evil. In terms of government Hobbes believes man would rather fight over something than logically figure it out. Hobbes says that man would rather fight over soemthing than logically figure it out. Hobbes is ultimatly wrong because of the present day examples such as the judical system. These two men have very strong opinions and good resources to define their opinion but ultimately I agree with Niccolo Machiavelli.//**

Conclusion
 * //I agree with Machiavelli's beliefs that a government should be strong, respected and slightly feared. Along witht hat, the government should leave man to make his own decisions to shape him into the person he really is. I disagree with Hobbes because there are many cases in present day society where major disagreements have been settled without fighting, in a court of law.// Hopefully, Machivelli's ideas on government will be carried out for many years to come.**

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
 * The first paragraph is interesting and it brings up the idea of argument and government which will capture many people's attention.**

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)
 * The contract is that I agree with Machivelli and not with Hobbes. This is said in the introduction and is talked about all through the essay. Then in the conclusion the thesis is summarized and the point is made clear.**

C. Body

Government is the most important thing to a country. A large group that leaders who make decisions for the country and keep the country alive. Government is also probably the most argued thing in present day society. Machiavelli said the most important aspect of government, that should always be upheld, and it should it strong but it should have the respect of the people. Finally, the people that the government is residing over should have a small sense of fear toward it. Machiavelli also says that the government should give man enough power and freedom to make decisions for himself, to make him into the person he truely is.":... impediments may often take away part of a man's power to do what he would, but cannot hinder him from using the power left to him..."( Machavelli, __The Prince__) I think this is a very important aspect in government and that is why I agree with Machiavelli's beliefs in government.
 * Best**

Thomas Hobbes is known for his beliefs that man is naturaly evil. He says this is shown in government. That man would rather got o war than logically decide what is best. "... two men desire the same thing, which never the less they cannot both enjoy, they become enemies..." ( Hobbes, The Leviathan). Hobbes goes on to say that once the men are enemies they will fight or in the governments case go to war. I don't agree with Hobbes because of the Judical System set up by the government. If there is a problem between men or countries they can go to a judical court and solve the problem logicaly. This is important because without the courts Hobbes would be roght and alot more fighting would be occuringin all countries. The Judical Court Systems all over the world are evidence to why Hobbes is ultimately wrong.
 * Worst**

In the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * Yes it moves logically because it is the same as the thesis, the reader does have their questions because or evidence and the attention to detail toward the topic.** **Best- I think this is a very important aspect in government and that is why I agree with Machiavelli's beliefs in government. Worst- The Judical Court Systems all over the world are evidence to why Hobbes is ultimately wrong.**

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) 1. .":... impediments may often take away part of a man's power to do what he would, but cannot hinder him from using the power left to him..."( Machavelli, __The Prince__) 2. "... two men desire the same thing, which never the less they cannot both enjoy, they become enemies..." ( Hobbes, The Leviathan).**
 * In my essay I answer all these questions with strong evidence, such as aquote or I refrence the Judical System in one of my body paragraphs. Some of the quotes' evidence I use is from the book we have read or specific examples on socitey.

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)
 * Yes all evidence is sited.**

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * Yes each sentence flows well to each point and my best and worst paragraphs are labeled above.**

Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
 * Every paragraph is fully developed and the point is made and clear. My worst and best paragraphs are labeled above. There are a few spelling mistakes but other tahn that it is all very clear.**

Overall: How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
 * This is an intersting essay to someone who is interested in literature and is a intelctual person because the reader needs to be able to reflect on themselves and what kind of person they are. I think that the overal essay is interesting to the right type of reader because it is short but has very good points. I thnk this is a successful essay because of the good usage of evidence and the ferquent referrences back to the thesis.**