P4+RArgueta

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Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!


 * A. Thesis statement and essay unity.**


 * //Hobbes' view of mankind can be more agreeable than that of Machiavelli's because of three reasons: the wrong in one of Machiavelli's belief, Hobbes' view of human nature and his view of an ideal government.//**

> - Yes, my thesis statement does really express the main point that I make in my essay because I take a stand point to who's view of mankind can be more agreeable and it is well organized. My topic sentences in all three of my body paragraphs reference back to my thesis statement. > - Yes, my thesis statement does reflect everything in my essay since it is organized by three reasons why I thought Hobbes' view of mankind can be more agreeable than Machiavelli's. Then, one reason is explained in each of my three body paragraphs. Yes, my essay does develop everything in the thesis statement since I do back up my reasons why Hobbes' view of mankind can be more agreeable with quotes from //The Prince// and //Leviathan// throughout my essay. > - My thesis statement doesn't necessarily make a positive or negative statement, however it does take an affirmative stand point to who's view of mankind can be more agreeable, Hobbes' or Machiavelli's. In my case, it was Hobbes'. > - Yes, my thesis does posit an argument that is actually worth arguing. The argument deals with human nature and government, which are subjects that are always argued. Both of these topics are great to talk about and are a good set up for an essay. > - Yes, every clause in the thesis statement is in the active voice. Ex. Hobbes' view- be, agreeable (subject-verbs) > - My thesis statement definately answers the question "why?", but not "how?" to the satisfaction od a doubting reader. > -My thesis statement is precise and gets to the point. It is informative as well without giving too much information and not being of great length.
 * 1) **Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)**
 * 1) **Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)**
 * 1) **Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)**
 * 1) **Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?**
 * 1) **Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)**
 * 1) **Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)**
 * 1) **Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?**


 * B. Introduction and conclusion.**

//Introduction:// Niccolo Machiavelli and Thomas Hobbes view mankind similarly, however they do have different ideas on its management. Machiavelli's view of mankind was one of evil and deceit, which overall was a pessimistic view, while Hobbes' was that "all men are created equal." "Nature hath made men so equal in the faculties of body and mind..." (Hobbes, //Leviathan//). **//Hobbes' view of mankind can be more agreeable than that of Machiavelli's because of three reasons: the wrong in one of Machiavelli's belief, Hobbes' view of human nature and his view of an ideal government.//**

//Conclusion:// Thus, it is clearly observable that Hobbes' view of mankind can be more agrreable than that of Machiavelli's even though they view mankind fairly similar, but have different ideas on its management. The three reasons stated, which are the wrong in one of Machiavelli's belief, Hobbes' view of human nature and his view of an idael government, demonstrate how Hobbes' view can be more agreeable than Machiavelli's. Machiavelli's belief of disguising oneself, in other words being false, is unecessary within society, while Hobbes' view of human nature and that of an ideal government makes lots of sense and betters society as a whole.

> - My first paragraph is interesting since it deals with two topics that are always argued, human nature and government. I believe I lack with not providing enough concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader's attention and focus it on my topic in my first paragraph. > - I do make a clear contract with the reader since I do take a stand point. I believe my contract is that I agree more with Hobbes' view of mankind than Machivelli's. This is stated in my introduction then talked about throughout the essay. > - Yes, the conclusion of my essay does satisfy my contract with the reader since I restate my thesis then I make my point clear.
 * 1) **Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)**
 * 1) **Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.**
 * 1) **Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)**


 * C. Body**

//Topic Sentences://
 * 1) "...it is necessary to know well how to disguise...and to be a great pretender and dissembler. (//The Prince//) By saying this Machiavelli advices people to be someone they truly aren't; in other words, to be a false, someone fake.
 * 2) In the //Leviathan//, Thomas Hobbes talks about his view of human nature.
 * 3) Hobbes' view of human nature lead him to develop his vision of an ideal government.

//Best Paragraph:// 1st body paragraph- "...it is necessary to know well how to disguise...and to be a great pretender and dissembler. (Machiavelli, //The Prince//) By saying this Machiavelli advices people to be someone they truly aren't; in other words to be a false, someone fake. Machiavelli's admonitions that people use hypocrisy whenver convenient is a bit hard to swallow, because, as we all know, this doesn't go with modern society. If people act in accordance to what Machiavelli advices, sooner or later those people will be revealed and the rest will know who those people truly are. Being a false will get people nowhere because sooner or later, the rest in society will discover who those people truly are and they will be doomed for the rest of their lives. People will begin to see those differently beacuse of their falseness after people have found out who those really are and not the ones they've been pretending to be. This can be seen in modern society today, for example in sports such as baseball. The "great" Barry Bonds is currently holding one of the records of having the mosthome runs in the MLB, however he was drug-tested and was found positive for the use of steroids. What does this mean? Barry Bonds, now, will not make it to the MLB's Hall of Fame and has a possibility of being fined and put in prison. All this for being a pretender, and now, Bonds will have to live in misery and regretfulness for the rest of his life.

//Worst Paragraph:// 2nd body paragraph- In the //Leviathan//, Thomas Hobbes' talks about his view of human nature. Hobbes believed that human beings naturally desire the power to live well and that they will never be satisfied with the power they have without acquiring more power. He also belived that all people are created equally, that everyone is equally capable of killing each other because although one man may be stronger than the other, the weaker may be compensated for by his intellect or some other individual aspect. Hobbes believed that the nature of humanity leads people to seek power. He said that when two or more people want the same thing, they become enemies and attempt to destroy each other. "...to master the persons of all men he can so long till he see no other power great enough to endanger him..." (Hobbes, //Leviathan//) He called this time when men oppose each other war. This is not only seen within people, but countries as well. The war in Iraq can be used as a great example. Why did the United States go into Iraq? Was it for vengeance of the terrorist attacks or fear that terrorists could strike once again? Hobbes gives an answer to this question by saying that it's fear and feeling endangered by others; and that the only way to surpass such fear is by destroying others, who are the danger. Hobbes said that without a common power to unite the people, they would be in a war of every man against every man as long as the will to fight is known. > - Yes, my paragraphs of my essay do move in a logical direction. The reader does have the experince of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving towards a point because of evidence and the well described detail towards to the topic. I do not believe that my essay jumps around for no apparent reason. > - The overall organization of my essay is straight forward. In my thesis statement I used three reasons why I believe that Hobbes' view of mankind can be more agreeable than Machiavelli's. For each reason, I used one body paragraph to further elaborate each reason; making it three body paragraphs. The transition from my first body paragraph to my second is weak, however from my second to third, the transition is stronger. > - Yes, I believe that my essay would be somewhat persuasive to someone who doubts my thesis statement because of the evidence I used from books (assigned texts) such as //The Prince// by Niccolo Machiavelli and //Leviathan// by Thomas Hobbes. My specific examples are: "Nature hath made men so equal in the faculties of body and mind..." (Hobbes, //Leviathan//), "...it is necessary to know well how to disguise...and to be a great pretender and dissembler." (Machiavelli, //The Prince//), "...to master the persons of all men he can so long till he see no other power great enough to endanger him..." (Hobbes, //Leviathan//), and "Hereby it is manifest that during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such war as is of every man against every man." (Hobbes, //Leviathan//). I do write about actual people in the essay. In my second body paragraph I believe I could add a more specific explanation or a better example of modern society. No, I don't believe there are places where I should introduce a source more clearly or fuly or where a ctation needs to be provided and corrected. > - In most parts of the essay I do answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim I make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied. The overall quality of the evidence I use in the essay is ok because I use it from assigned texts such as books and also I use examples of modern society from my own knowledge. My evidence is strongest from the assigned texts (books), however it is not so strong when I use examples of modern society from my knowledge. > - Yes, all evidence is introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly. > - Most of my sentences in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence). My most coherent paragraph would be my first body paragraph and my least would be my second body paragraph. > - Not all of my paragraphs are fully developed. I believe I need more work in my second body paragraph (labeled above). My best developed paragraph is my first body paragraph and my worst would be my second body paragraph (labeled above). > - I do have a couple of spelling and grammar errors here and there, but other than that I believe my essay is straight forward and clear.
 * 1) **Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason?**
 * 1) **Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?**
 * 1) **Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?**
 * 1) **In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)**
 * 1) **Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)**
 * 1) **Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?**
 * 1) **Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?**
 * 1) **Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?**

Overall: > - I believe that my essay is pretty interesting since it does deal with human nature and government; two subjects that are argued and talked about alot. It would be more interesting to people who can easily reflect on themselves and think about their human nature and the way they act. It would probably be less interesting to readers who can't handle reflecting on themselves and respecting themselves. I believe that the essay is interesting throughout it all. There are no parts where readers will be bored or confused. > - I think that this essay is pretty effective and/or successful because the usage of evidence is well done and because I kept referencing back to my thesis.
 * 1) **How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?**
 * 1) **How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?**