P3+KGalvan

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Please copy the following questions to your individual page and then enter the appropriate responses. Provide evidence (quote from your own essay) whenever possible. Have fun!!!

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

//**In today's society though there are still some princes, their are also presidents(a person that can be considered a prince.) Machiavelli's principles are still carried out in today's society whether it be good or bad.**//

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) ---The thesis that I wrote does express the main point in the end of the essay because I follow through with it by developing it in each of my paragraphs.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) ---The thesis statement reflects everything in the essay because it is brought up throughout the rest of the essay and also the essay and the thesis go together because of that. //**>Machiavelli's principles are still carried out in today's society whether it be good or bad**//

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) ---This thesis makes a positive statement overall.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? ---My thesis posts somewhat of an argument but it is more wishy washy than anything.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) My thesis has somewhat of an active voice. >**In today's society though //there are// still some princes, their are also presidents(a person that can be considered a prince. Machiavelli's principles //are still carried out// in today's society whether it be good or bad.**

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) ---My thesis statement doesn't really say why or how its mainly just talking it doesn't really say much at all and isn't specific.

Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? ---Though my thesis may not be extremely well written it still is precise. limited, and informative. >**Machiavelli's principles are still carried out in today's society whether it be good or bad.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * Introduction: Lesson's taught many years ago, such as those of Thomas Hobbes and Niccolo Machiavelli, can still be applied to today's society. Though both have come up with a somewhat similar view of mankind one cannot help but agree with Machiavelli's various principles about principality. //**In today's society though there are still some princes, their are also presidents(a person that can be considered a prince. Machiavelli's principles are still carried out in today's society whether it be good or bad.**//


 * Conclusion: In conclusion, Machiavelli has a point in all of his examples. This is because in today's society it is evident that his theories have been followed out. Though Hobbes also has a point in saying that all people were born evil, Machiavelli's "The Prince" show that through there are some that are evil, all of the people in this world are led by the things that they have been taught by their ancestors.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) ---My first paragraph is extremely interesting because not only is it specific but it also goes above and beyond. >**"This can also be seen in the recent book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Klosaki. In this book the author says that is a child has a rich father then he will become rich in the future, but if a child has a poor father it is more likely for him to become poor."**

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. ---I make a clear contract with the reader because I am extremely specific. I believe that my contract is how I repeatedly make sure to be specific in order to get my point across.

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) ---My conclusion does satisfy my contract with the reader because I make sure to semi-restate my thesis and I sum up everything. >**Though Hobbes also has a point in saying that all people were born evil, Machiavelli's "The Prince" show that through there are some that are evil, all of the people in this world are led by the things that they have been taught by their ancestors.**

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

__//**BEST**//__

//*When analyzing Machiavelli's "The Prince" one cannot help but compare it to England's royal family. The royal family is a great example of what Machiavelli states in chapter two: "Concerning Hereditary Principalities", "There are fewer difficulties in holding hereditary states...and to can deal prudently with circumstances as they arise"(Machiavelli, The Prince). Machiavelli says that there is always a better chance of being a good ruler if the person is a descendant of the current ruler. This can be seen in Prince Williams upcoming call to the throne. Since he was a young boy Prince Williams has always been told how to be the perfect prince. Being Diana's first born, he will eventually become king of England. His "life story" also proves Machiavelli's point because William grew up with royalty and now that he knows what the job entitles and with this advantage he can be a better ruler than someone who has no experience at all. This can also be seen in "Rich Dad. Poor Dad" by Robert Klosaki. In this book the author says that is a child has a rich father then he will become rich in the future, but if a child has a poor father it is more likely for him to become poor. The theory behind this, like Machiavelli's, is that if you grow up with someone and they teach you according to how they were taught, then generation by generation it is likely that there will be a chain reaction. Therefore Machiavelli's theory is true.//*

__//**Worst**//__:

//*In conclusion, Machiavelli has a point in all of his examples. This is because in today's society it is evident that his theories have been followed out. Though Hobbes also has a point in saying that all people were born evil, Machiavelli's "The Prince" show that through there are some that are evil, all of the people in this world are led by the things that they have been taught by their ancestors.*//


 * Best Topic Sentence**: In today's society Machiavelli's theory on those that have come to be prince through the use of sabotage and wickedness can be seen in the Cuban leader Fidel Castro.


 * Worst Topic Sentence:** When analyzingg Machiavelli's "The Prince" one cannot help but compare it to England's royal family.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? ---All of my paragraphs are very logical and make a good point. This is because I make sure to give clear examples in order to make sure that the audience understands my stand. >1. Example of Royal Family (England) and "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" >2. Example of Fidel Castro and his misuse of the power he has over the people of Cuba.

Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? ---Strongest Transition:Fidel Castro is indeed an example of what Machiavelli would consider a "wicked" leader. ---Weakest Transition: Therefore Machiavelli's theory is true.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? ---My essay is very persuasive because I follow through with well planned examples and I make sure that they help y essay and don't hurt it at all. My Citation for the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" was accurate because I made sure to remember the authors name. I could have done a better job on my essay by making sure to write better transition.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) ---In my essay I make clear connections between Machiavelli's theories and current day principalities. I think that my evidence is the weakest when I say that I don't really believe in Hobbes theories.

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) ---All of my evidence is very specifc and cited with author and everything when I cited a book. It isn't a formal citation though.

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? ---Each paragraph does have a central point and my 1st paragraph is much stronger than my other one which is my 2nd body paragraph.

Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? ---Each paragraph of mine is fully developed because I made sure to do tha. I focused more on my body paragraphs than I did on my thesis though.

Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? ---This essay is somewhat clearly written but it isn't free of errors. This is because of spelling and grammar problems.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?

---This essay is very interesting once you get to the body paragraphs. This is because they are well written and they are also specific and I have clear examples. This may be less interesting to readers that haven't read "The Prince" or Thomas Hobbes. This is because they wouldn't understand what point I am trying to get across. This essay though is very persuasive except for the fact that it has a weak thesis that isn't really specific.