P3+CNoren

A. Thesis statement and essay unity C. Body Topic sentences- Hobbes beleived in an iron fisted ruler from birth to death, never giving a chance to the people to become full evil as he saw them as.
 * //Machiavelli and Hobbes were similiarly thinking men who believed in an iron fisted goverenment. Their detailed views, however were slightly different from each others.//** Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? Yes. I tried to go into a little more detail to wrap up the entire essay. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? Yes. The body paragraphs tend to lean more toward their individual views as authors and their works more than just saying they are different in the same ways. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? I don't know what you mean, nor do I think I would know whether my thesis is positive or not. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? No I don't think so, it's just stating fact based on the author's writings. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? Yes. They both were similarly thinking men. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. No I don't think I went to that depth. Is your thesis statement clear Yes, it is straight to the point, precise and limited Precise in it's own terms, but doesn't expand upon itself much, controversial or informative Informative, and defensible Not so much defensible as just clear stated facts B. Introduction and conclusion. **//Machiavelli and Hobbes were silmiliarly thinking men who believed in an iron fisted government. Their detailed views, however, were slightly different from each others.//** MAchiavelli was more on target as he saw people as naturally good and just. Hobbes, a radical and Machivelli, an understanding compassionate author. While both have silularities their ideas are almost excatly opposite of each other's. In this case, radical behavior is not nessecary and Nicoli appreciates and understands that and incorporates it into his writings. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? It is clear, but not specific and most likely won't catch thge reader's attention. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? No, I don't hardly lead into anything more than these people are different, and without a contract in the first place, I can't fufill it in the conclusion.

Machiavelli, on the other hand, believed that people should govern themselves.

Strong paragraph-Hobbes believes in an iron fisted ruler from birth to death, never giving a chance to the people to become full evil as he saw them as. "And from this difference of one another there is no way for any man to secure himself so reasonable." (Hobbes) In this quote Hobbes is saying how no man can secure himself to anything, whether it be his wife, his job or even his life because there are so many differences, or "imperfections" as Hobbes might call them, between men.

Weak paragraph- Machiavelli, on the other hand, believed that people should govern themselves. He agreed with democracy without knowing what it is. He knew that if people choose threir electives they would be more supportive of their officials, rather than having some king appointed man reading them their new laws. As sen in //The Prince// by how the prince choose his ministry, thus almost immediatly trusting them more than the nobles.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Yes, they flow towards a common goal. Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Somewhat, the reader is led to the conclusion that both authors are different, but it does so by jumping around slightly. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? When I need to transfer from talking about one author to the next. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? Yes, I provide facts and quotes to prove all sides of my thesis. What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? Straight forward quotes and facts. In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? No, just facts and examples in the writings and about thier characters. Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? By adding another paragraph, I would have been able to add a real life example and put the thesis into a more stone form. Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? I don't think I lacked much on the explanation of my quotes, however I probably could have used more. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? No, I don't think I clarified most of my writings very well to make the reader understand "How I know" Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. I think that my evidence didn't do much to support my argument. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? My cites are correct, but my quotes don't really go with my arguement. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? Most of them do. What is your most coherent paragraph? My best paragraph What your least? My worst paragraph Is every paragraph fully developed? Yes, but it could be more so. Which are and which aren’t? all of them What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? My best and worst paragraphs respectivly. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? Relatively. What are your most frequent errors? Spelling Overall: How interesting is this essay? Not very To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? Intellegent readers intrested in the authors To what kinds of readers less interesting? People that don't care about the authors What parts are most and what least interesting? The facts and quotes Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? I hope not. How effective an essay do you believe this is. At explaining my argument, not very. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? I don't think so, because my quotes are weak for my arguement.