P3+ABasurto

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //They are alike in that the Iroquois Constitution had lords that represent what is our senate and House of Representatives. Yet, they aren't the same because the Iroquios Constitution has funeral addresses, when the US Constitution barely even talks about death.//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2]) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Yes: had-is No: has-talks** Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?
 * No, the thesis statement at the end of my essay doesn't even really discuss the main point.**
 * The thesis statement does reflect everything in the essay because the essay discusses the similarities and differences of both of the constitutions.**
 * The thesis statement makes a positive statement because it's just stating how the Iroquois Constitution is similar and different from the US Constitution.**
 * My thesis doesn't posit an argument because: 1. it doesn't even have an argument and 2. my thesis statement is straight forward.**
 * Since my thesis statement is two sentences long, it is and isn't in the active voice.
 * My thesis statement does not answer both the questions "why?" and "how?" It only answers the "how?" question because it gives an example of how the constitutions are similar and different.**
 * My thesis statement is only clear, limited, and informative because there is no argument that can be defensible or controversial; it just gives facts.**

B. Introduction and conclusion. The United States has developed and advanced in many ways. Whether it's politically or socially. One development was the United States Constitution. Todays constitution isn't the same as when it was first created. The way it hs developed and finalized can be compared to the Iroquois Constitution. **//They are alike in that the Iroquois Constitution had lords that represent what is our senate and House of Representatives. Yet, they aren't the same because the Iroquios Constitution has funeral addresses, when the US Constitution barely even talks about death.//**
 * Introduction:**

Overall, the Iroquois Constitution and the United States Constitution can be very similar, yet so different. But it helps to show what the US Constitution has developed to.
 * Conclusion:**

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)
 * My paragraph is not interesting enough to catch the reader's attention, but it does have specific material that focuses on my topic.**
 * I believe I do make a clear contract with the reader by showing them what the US constitution has developed to and how we can compare it to others.**
 * No, my essay doesn't satisfy the contract with the reader because I don't go over any of the information I gave, I just state that "the Iroquois Constitution and the United States Constitution can be very similar, yet so different."**

C. Body The Seneca and Mohawk lords from the Iroquois Constitution resemble our House of Representatives and the Cayuga and Oneida lords represent our Senate in many ways.
 * Topic Sentence #1:**

One big difference is that in the Iroquois Constitution, there is a funeral address to give to the dead person at the time of their burial so they can go to the after life.
 * Topic Sentence #2**

The Seneca and Mohawk lords from the Iroquois Constitution resemble our House of Representatives and the Cayuga and Oneida lords represent our Senate in many ways. One way is that whenever the Seneca and Mohawk lords has agreed on a decision, they tell the Cayuga and Oneida lords who take further action, just like our House of Representatives does to our senate (I. C. Article 10) Another similarity is that the Iroquois Constitution welcomes anybody into their nation and they don't treat them differently; just like the US Constitutions states that "all men are created equal" (U. S. C. Article IV. 4). Although there are many similarities between the Iroquois Constitution and the US Constitution there are still many differences.
 * Best Paragraph**

One big difference is that in the Iroquois Constitution, there is a funeral address to give to the dead person at the time of their burial so they can go to the after life. (I.C. Article 108). In the US Constitution, it barely even talks about death. Americans still question whether there's an afterlife, so the issue isn't even discussed in the US Constitution. The only time there are big funerals are when military people are killed in action. But the funeral isn't for their afterlife, its more for honor and appreciation. Another difference is the acceptance of foreigners. Under the Iroquois Constitution, everyone is accepted. The US Constitution was once hypocritical because even though it states that men are created equal, there was a point when they really weren't. Blacks didn't have the same rights as the whites, therefore they weren't equal.
 * Worst Paragraph**

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
 * The paragraphs in my essay do move in a logical direction because it stays on topic. The only problem is that the facts I give jump around too much and don't move smoothly.**
 * The organization of my essay overall is good because it has a paragraph specifically for the similarites and a paragraph specifically for the differences of the two constitutions.**
 * My essay isn't persuasive to someone who doubts my thesis statement because I don't attempt to argue anything. I don't have specific examples, which are something that might help the reader understand my essay more. I could have added an example when I talk about men being created equal.**
 * I don't answer the question "How do you know?" to make a claim. The quality of my evidence is good itself, but I don't expand on it so it's not as useful.**
 * The evidence is introduced, but it's not explained clearly. It is not cited with the MLA format.**
 * Each sentence in every paragraph do tie back in with the main point. My most coherent paragraph is the first one and the least is the last.**
 * Only the first paragraph is fully developed. The last one isn't because I don't end it with a good sentence, I kind of just end in the middle of an idea.**
 * This essay has many grammatical errors. The most frequent one is the misspelling of small words.**

Overall: How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
 * My essay is not very interesting. It would probably be interesting to older adults who are interested in history. It is less interesting to teenagers. The most interesting part in the essay is when I talk about how the US Constitution is compared to the Iriquois Constitution. I think that throughout most of the essay, readers are bored.**
 * This essay is not very effective because it has no hook that will get a reader interested. It wouldn't be very succesful in persuading other members of the class to believe my thesis statement because I don't state an argument, so there is nothing to persuade.**